Page 48 of Loving a Warrior

“I’ll try, Lex, but you know what BUD/S is like.”

“I do.” Her voice was sad, and it made Shane’s heart ache. “Shane, about that. I’m sorry to mess up your training. It means so much to you.”

“You mean more,” he said gently. “I hope you believe that.”

“If I didn’t before, I definitely believe it now.” A pause, then she said, “I’ll text you Derek’s number. Thanks, big brother.”

Shane tossed his phone to the seat, the food forgotten. When had he become such a judgmental asshole? A huge part of the reason he didn’t like Derek was for the simple reason that he wasn’t Jon. It was hard to think of Alexis being with someone else, as idiotic as that was.

Jon and Alexis hadn’t even been together when he died…

Not wanting to go there, he pulled into a gas station to top off Matt’s tank, grabbing the sack of uneaten food and tossing it in the trash. By the time he was done, his lock screen was lit up with two texts: One from Alexis and one from Matt, saying he was ready to be picked up.

It was a short drive back to the base. He parked in a slot close to the training center just as Matt detached himself from the group of guys with a wave goodbye. Shane scanned the crowd, wondering who’d made it through Hell Week and who didn’t, somewhat alarmed that he didn’t see Elias anywhere.

“Elias didn’t make it?” he demanded when Matt finally lowered himself into the passenger seat with a pained grunt.

“No.” Matt reclined his seat back. “He’s one of the ones who DORed after the first sleep period. I tried to stop him.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. He was a good guy.”

Shane glanced at him. “Well, he still is a good guy, Matt. Just decided he didn’t want to spend his life all wet and sandy.”

“Wet and sandy won’t last forever,” Matt retorted before letting out a rueful sigh. “Although it’s hard to remember that sometimes.”

“What’s the closest you came to quitting?” Shane was curious, and he wondered if Matt would answer or claim he never once considered it. To his surprise there was no hesitation.

“It was during rock portage, actually. I fucking hate rock portage.”

Shane chuckled. “And rock portage hates you.”

“It really does, no lie. Anyway, the instructor made me coxswain during one of the evolutions, and I was so tired, so cold, that I fucked it all up. He yelled at me that I’d just killed my entire squad.” Matt shuddered at the memory. “It really hit me, that in combat a wrong decision or mistake can mean people die, and I’d have to live with that. I almost quit, went so far as to take a few steps away from my boat.”

“What stopped you?”

“Remembering what my uncle told me, that if I ever think I wanna quit, give myself to the end of the day before making that decision. I turned around and rejoined my crew before anyone saw.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “But it was close, Shane. Real close.”

Shane could only imagine how that had shaken Matt’s confidence, coming within a hair’s breadth of failure. “We all have our breaking points,” he said quietly. “The difference between Elias and you is that you were able to look beyond yours to the end goal.”

“I wasn’t even thinking of the end. What I was thinking is that I’d better stick it out so I could learn how to not fuck it up again.”

“And did you?”

“Let’s just say rock portage and I have come to an—understanding.” Matt grinned at him, that open, devastating grin that always punched Shane right in the gut, leaving him breathless.

“Good.” He cleared his throat. “Fuck you, rock portage!”

“Hooyah!”

Shane pulled up in his driveway, watching carefully to see if Matt needed any help. “What’d they say in medical?”

Hauling himself out of the truck, Matt gave a faint groan. “Got a pretty good case of cellulitis in my knees but thankfully no fluid in my lungs. Trey has pneumonia again but it’s not so bad this time. They didn’t drop him from training.”

He limped into the house, heading straight for the bedroom. Shane tossed the keys down on the kitchen table and followed. “You need anything?”

Matt stripped to his underwear before climbing into bed. “Just sleep. Oh, can you put those pillows under me again? That was really comfortable.”