Page 46 of Loving a Warrior

“Thanks.”

A few beats of silence until Matt said, “I thought you’d just…quit, and I was so fuckin’ pissed.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “So pissed.”

Shane peeked over at him. “Did your anger keep you warm, at least?”

Matt grunted. “Yeah, actually, now that I think about it. At least for a few hours.”

“Once everything settled down, I hated knowing what you probably thought of me.”

“There’s no ‘probably’ about it,” Matt said harshly. “I was so disappointed in you, Shane.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s next for you? Do you know what your fleet assignment is yet?”

Shane’s mouth opened and closed a few times as he searched for the words, and Matt’s gaze sharpened. “Wait. You said he put you on leave. Are you really out or—”

“No.” Shane paused. “Bernson rolled me back to the next class.”

Matt’s eyes widened in outrage. “That wily bastard! He let us think you DORed!”

“I know. He said he was going to, that he was gonna use it as a teaching moment. I told him I was okay with that, as long as he eventually told the truth. I don’t want the reputation for being a quitter following me to the teams.”

“What the actual fuck.” Matt slammed his fist down on the mattress between them. “That’s messed up.” He glared at Shane before turning on his other side away from him, his shoulders bunched and tense.

“It is. I’m sorry.” Shane reached out to run tentative fingers over Matt’s arm. “I asked Bernson to give you a message but of course he refused.”

“That asshole.” Matt fumed for a moment before canting his head back to look at him. “What was the message?”

“That I’d get in touch when I could. That I didn’t quit and please don’t hate me.” When Matt’s eyes widened, he muttered, “I might’ve been a little delirious.”

“A little?”

They chuckled together, and then Matt said, “Dude, we were all hallucinating like crazy by the end of the Week. Everyone saw all sorts of fucked-up shit.” He grimaced. “I probably wouldn’t have even remembered your message.”

“Well, in that case…” His heart starting to pound, Shane scooted a little closer to him. “I, uh, didn’t quit.” Pressing a soft kiss to the back of Matt’s neck, he whispered, “Please don’t hate me.”

Matt mumbled something that sounded like “ridiculous,” but he didn’t shrug him off, so Shane slid even closer and draped his arm over Matt’s waist. “This okay? Am I hurting you?”

“No.” Matt held himself rigid for a few seconds, then slowly, by increments, relaxed back against him. “You’re so warm.” He shuddered. “There was a time I wasn’t sure I’d ever be warm again.”

Tucking the comforter more firmly around him, Shane went ahead and spooned in. “How’s that?”

“Amazing.” Matt’s voice was a breathy sigh. “Don’t move, okay?”

“I won’t.”

Matt was quiet for so long that Shane was convinced he’d fallen back to sleep. He’d just closed his eyes, too, when Matt said, “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. That when Hell Week was over, I’d come back here to find you gone. The thought of it was—” He paused. “I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel about that, Shane.”

“You and me both.” Because the last thing I ever wanted was to get involved with another SEAL.

“Aww, fuck, I gotta sleep.” Matt’s voice was growing more slurred. “Make sure I’m up by eleven?”

“You got it.”

Relief kept Shane awake long after Matt drifted off. He didn’t hate him. The rest of Shane’s boat crew? Well, that remained to be seen. They wouldn’t much care about why he did what he did, all they’d know is that he’d abandoned them to carry his share of the load during some of the worst days of their lives.

It’d been a difficult week for him, too. Not just because of the fear and worry over Lex, but at the sobering realization that choosing life in the SEALs meant he was putting her through so much of the same shit Jon had all over again. Thank fuck he was able to be there for her this time, but what about the next? The knowledge she supported him, and loved him, despite the painful memories all this had to be dredging up for her had belatedly hit him like a ton of bricks.