Page 79 of Point of Contact

All of a sudden Trevor could picture it so clearly—Jesse and Riley holding up the shirts, cracking up at the double entendres on some of them, goofing off. Young men letting off steam after doing a dangerous job, maybe a little tipsy, laughing at the parrots and the more tacky souvenirs, buying a few things...

Realization slammed into Trevor like a tidal wave.

“Oh, Jess, this is your zoo, isn’t it?”

Jesse’s eyes were awash in tears now. “What?”

“The place where you feel him,” Trevor said softly, “convinced if you turn around at just the right moment, he’ll be standing there.”

Jesse’s breath hitched in his throat. “We came here our last night in Honolulu, and I was tired and wanted coffee. Riley said he’d look around inside the T-shirt store while I went to find some.” He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Passing it just now, I got the feeling that if I go in there, he’ll still be waiting for me. I can almost see him.”

Trevor ached at the pain echoing in Jesse’s voice. “Yeah. Sometimes the memories seem so close to the surface, it’s almost unbearable.”

“He wanted to buy you those sauces,” Jesse said abruptly.

“What? You mean this?” Trevor held up the bag of barbecue sauce, and Jesse nodded.

“He had three picked out, including that same one.”

“Really?”

Jesse rushed on. “I didn’t think the glass bottles would survive the trip, so I talked him out of it.” His face suffused with trepidation. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh my God.” Trevor couldn’t help but smile. “It’s okay, Jess.”

“But he wanted to get you a gift, and I cheated you—”

“Out of nothing,” Trevor interrupted, moving closer to him. “You’ve cheated me out of nothing, and you’ve given me everything. Don’t you see that?”

When Jesse shook his head mutely, Trevor went on, “Because of you, I’m able to see what Riley saw, smell what he smelled, experience what he did. It helps to hear he was thinking of me, that he knew me well enough to know I’d love these sauces.” He reached up to brush Jesse’s tears away, letting his thumb linger along his cheek. “So thank you. Thanks for letting me see my son through you.”

Jesse’s lips trembled. “I miss him. I miss him so much.”

Trevor slid his hand to the back of Jesse’s neck. “I know.”

With a small sob, Jesse reached out to wrap his arms around Trevor, pulling him close. His body was shaking, tremors of grief Trevor knew only too well wracking him from head to toe. All around them the world ebbed and flowed, oblivious to the fact a twenty-year-old boy had been torn from it, leaving behind two people who’d loved him and who now clung together, their shared pain a strange sort of comfort.

Trevor stroked Jesse’s hair as he shuddered against him, biting his own lip against the tears that stung his eyes. This was Jesse’s fight, his zoo, and Trevor marshaled every ounce of composure he could, determined to be strong in return for this man who’d given him so much.

“It’s okay,” he murmured over and over. “It’s okay to miss him. I miss him, too.”

With a ragged sigh Jesse finally loosened his grip, but he kept one arm around Trevor’s shoulders as they walked, so it was only natural for Trevor to slide his around Jesse’s waist in return.

“I’m sorry,” Jesse rasped. “I didn’t mean to lose it like that, but that memory hit me like a ton of bricks.”

“God, grief is so weird, Jess. It’s like, I don’t have a problem being in the backyard, but the thought of going into his room makes me want to hyperventilate. You’d think it’d be the opposite, since the backyard is the last place he spent any time at home in, and he hadn’t been living in his room for a while. But—”

Jesse tightened his arm, and he was so solid and warm against Trevor’s side, Trevor let himself melt against him. Their hips bumped together as they strolled, their bodies a perfect fit.

“I’ve been wondering—” Jesse broke off uncertainly, and Trevor gave him a squeeze.

“What?”

“Why you had him buried at Arlington instead of the Springs. I would’ve thought you’d want to keep him close to you.” Jesse’s thumb stroked along Trevor’s shoulder as he spoke, trying to soothe as Trevor involuntarily tensed. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

Trevor squeezed him again. “No, no. It’s a fair question. I’d intended to have him interred in Colorado, but during those first weeks, I got some emails. From your lieutenant, a couple of the guys in your platoon. Obviously none of you could be at the funeral, but those emails let me know you were all there in spirit. It just—it hit me, how much you all loved each other. When Riley’d call me during his refit, it was like pulling teeth to get him to talk about himself, but he’d go on and on about all of you.”

Jesse chuckled, the sound hoarse and a little sad. “We were all pretty tight.”