Page 76 of Point of Contact

“He’s not. Jesse, he’s not,” Trevor said when Jesse gave an incredulous snort. “What I’m going through is a lot for anyone to handle. It’s not like he just abandoned me.”

“Yeah. Uh-huh.”

Trevor wasn’t sure whether to be touched or annoyed at Jesse’s attitude. He settled for saying mildly, “Nothing’s black and white here, okay? All I want is for him to be happy, and apparently that’s not gonna be with me.”

“But to move on like that, so fast.” Jesse gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. “It seems really disrespectful.”

“But it wasn’t fast. The man Carl knew and fell in love with died the moment those uniformed men showed up at the door. That Trevor’s gone forever, and for almost an entire year Carl stuck by the new one until he realized he couldn’t do it anymore. He tried, he really did.”

Trevor could see by the set of Jesse’s lips that he wasn’t convinced, and he wondered if he’d ever been in a serious relationship before. The thought made Trevor feel jaded, ancient, and he heaved a quiet sigh. “I don’t have anything left to fight with, so it’s better for both of us if I just let him go. Maybe he can find some happiness, at least.”

“I thought you loved each other.” Jesse’s voice held a trace of bewilderment, and Trevor gave a helpless gesture.

“We did—we do—aww, shit.” Trevor pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I know you think I’m some punk who doesn’t understand,” Jesse went on tersely, “but I can tell you right now, I’d never turn my back on my man, especially when he needs me. I happen to believe in for better or for worse.”

“Love and relationships aren’t always black and white, Jess. That’s all I can say.”

Jesse was silent as he focused on navigating through the next green light. “This isn’t any of my business,” he said at last. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, let me put it like this. You and Carl are very, very different people. For all his sophistication, in a lot of ways you have decades more life experience than he does. Of course you’re going to handle things differently.”

Jesse nodded, the tight set of his jaw relaxing a fraction.

“And for the record, I don’t think you’re some ‘punk,’” Trevor said, complete with air quotes. “Not in a million years.”

“Good.”

Trevor changed the subject. “So back to the Army...you inherited some money. Then what?”

“Well, I got an apartment with some friends, a part-time job, and drifted along for a while.” Jesse paused. “Then 9/11 happened.”

“You enlisted because of 9/11?”

Jesse shook his head. “Nah, but a couple of my friends did. After they left for boot camp, we’d IM each other on AOL sometimes, and they’d tell me about their training, their units and what they were doing. Even though they bitched and moaned about Army life, I could see—”

“See what?”

“That they were useful,” Jesse said simply. “Trevor, all my life I’d been needed. Now I was alone, accomplishing nothing, drinking away my inheritance, and all I wanted was to feel useful again. It took a while, but eventually I enlisted, too.”

Trevor waited for him to go on and when he didn’t, said gently, “Thank you for your service, Jesse.”

Jesse gave a flat sort of chuckle. “I never know what to say to that. You’re...welcome? For doing my job, what I volunteered to do? If only Americans knew most of us weren’t fighting for them.”

“What were you fighting for?”

Jesse looked at him. “Each other. You’re fighting for the guy next to you. For your squad, for your platoon.” He faced forward again as the light turned green. “America isn’t at war, Trevor—her military is.”

Trevor studied his rigid profile, thinking, You’re a wounded soldier, too, aren’t you, Jess? It just doesn’t show on the outside.

It wasn’t much, but Trevor shifted a little closer to him, leaning in so Jesse could feel his presence. Jesse didn’t respond, just rewarded Trevor with a smile, a mere quirk of his lips, but one that still made Trevor feel a tiny bit quivery inside.

Chapter Nineteen

“Wow, look at this view!” Trevor exclaimed, pushing the sliding glass doors open. Jesse tossed his things down on one of the beds before heading out to join him on the balcony, both of them leaning on their elbows against the railing.

“It’s incredible,” Jesse murmured, drinking in the sight of the sparkling ocean. “I’ll never get tired of it.”