Page 39 of Pieces of Me

“One day I was workin’ the express lane, and I bagged up a six-pack of beer and some chips, a box of condoms. It made me blush, but then I looked up into the green eyes of the most beautiful young man I’d ever seen in my life.” She swallowed. “Tall, handsome, black hair. Well, you seen Scotty. You look at him, you see what I seen that day. Just―breathtakin’.”

Rylan nodded, and Heather went on. “He winked at me, and I seriously couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t stop thinkin’ about him after that, ’bout how someone so beautiful actually walked around on this earth.

“A week later, saw him again. Couldn’t stop starin’, and he says, ‘Hey, pretty girl.’ I say hey, and we talk for a few minutes about somethin’, don’t even remember what. That went on for a couple of weeks like clockwork, almost like he was comin’ in to the commissary and gettin’ in my line to see me. I lived just to see his smile.”

Rylan knew exactly how she felt. He thought of the power of Scott’s beauty, how his grin lit up the room.

“One day when I was walkin’ his groceries out to his truck, he asked me out. Said, ‘Let’s go for a drink sometime.’ I told him I was too young to drink, and I didn’t believe in it anyway; it was of the devil. He laughed, but it wasn’t a mean laugh. Said we could go for a walk on the beach instead, get to know each other better.”

She sighed. “I wasn’t allowed to date. I could go out with a group from my church, and there could be boys in the group, but one-on-one dating wasn’t an option. But oh, I wanted to go out with him. He was gorgeous, and he liked me. Me! So for the first time ever in my life, I broke the rules and snuck out to meet him. I walked to the convenience store near my house, and he picked me up there.”

For a long time, Heather didn’t say anything, and finally Rylan prompted, his voice gentle, “What happened?”

Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. “The best night of my life happened,” she said simply. “We walked on the beach and talked for hours. He was the perfect gentleman, askin’ if he could hold my hand before he even did, never tryin’ nothin’. We sat on the beach and watched the sunrise, and right when it came up, he asked if he could kiss me.”

Heather closed her eyes. “Such a sweet, gentle kiss it was, too. The beautiful sunrise, the sound of the waves…it was magical. He whispered in my ear that he was fallin’ in love with me.” She bit her lip. “I told him how much I loved him, too, and he pulled me to my feet and swung me around, said hearin’ that made him the happiest man in the world.”

When she didn’t say anything more, Rylan said softly, “That must have been surreal, as sheltered and naïve as you were, having a man say he was in love with you.”

“It was intoxicatin’,” she said. “Like a dream. I started sneakin’ the phone into my room so he could call me after my mama went to sleep. I’d whisper to him from under the blankets half the night. Doodled his name on my schoolbooks, put Mrs. in front of mine, like every other teenage girl in love.”

Heather looked up toward the roof of the porch, the soft glow of the light emanating from the trailer behind her making her look younger, less harsh, more like the innocent girl she used to be.

“After a while, he started tellin’ me how much he wanted me. Wanted me, you know, in bed. That people in love went to bed together, expressed their love in that way.” She fingered the nonexistent dog tags again, petting her chest where they used to be. “He started sayin’ it was hard to wait, that he wanted to make love to me so bad.”

She blinked rapidly, clenching her hands together. “I didn’t wanna break my vows to God and my dead daddy, and so I told him no over and over. Said if he really loved me, he could wait till we were married. He said he’d wait, that I was worth waitin’ for, and he’d kiss me and touch me a little bit when we were together, but he never tried nothin’ else. He said he wanted me to trust him.

“One day when we were whisperin’ together on the phone, he told me his unit might be deployed soon, and he didn’t know how long he’d be gone or where he might end up. Begged me to come be with him, give him some memories to take with him, and that when he got back, we’d be married.”

Heather’s hands were white-knuckled, and Rylan, moved by her distress, reached out and covered her fingers with his own.

“I went to his barracks room one night,” she said hoarsely, “prepared to give myself to him. I told myself it wasn’t wrong because we loved each other, and God would understand. And since we were gonna be married, my daddy up in heaven would understand. Right? I was havin’ sex with my husband, only it was a little early. I told myself that over and over, pushin’ away the guilt.”

Rylan stroked his thumb over the back of her hand, and a lone tear slid down Heather’s cheek. “I was sixteen, but I didn’t know much about sex. I knew the basics, but I didn’t really know what to expect. My mama didn’t tell me none of that, and I wasn’t allowed to watch no TV, or listen to music or read books that weren’t Christian. I sure as shit didn’t know about condoms or anythin’ else.”

“Did he rape you?” Rylan burst out, and she gave a bitter snort.

“You’d might think that’s where this is goin’, but no, he didn’t. When I got to his room, we got into the bed together, naked, and he kissed me and played with me a little while, and then he took my virginity. It hurt so bad, so fuckin’ bad. It took a long time for him to get inside me, but he didn’t force me. No, I wanted him to do it, ’cause this is what wives did for their husbands, and it was God’s creation and his plan for married people. We were married in my head, and so it was good, and pure.”

She turned her hand palm up to grip Rylan’s fingers. “But the moment he was finished, he got up from the bed and left me lyin’ there. He wrapped a towel around his waist and went out into the hallway, leavin’ the door half-open.” She swallowed hard, and her voice was thick with tears as she went on, “I could hear him shout, ‘Success! Pay up, bitches!’ All of a sudden there were voices everywhere, laughin’ voices, congratulatin’ him. They were―they were high-fivin’ each other, and sayin’ stuff like, ‘I ain’t payin’ nothin’ till I got proof you really fucked her. Proof, bro!’”

Rylan could only listen in stunned horror as she said, “I guess he opened his towel to show them the blood on him, the same blood that was on my thighs. I remember starin’ at it, dark smears on my white skin, on the sheets. Faces peeked into the room, stared at me on the bed―mean faces, laughin’ faces, and then I could hear him countin’ his money out loud. A hundred bucks.”

Rylan gasped, and she nodded. “Won a hundred bucks for managin’ to pop the cherry of the biggest Jesus freak in town, Heather Ashworth. I never made no secret of my chastity pledge. I talked about it, showed my dog tags to anyone who asked. I was proud of it. And apparently some guys who heard about it decided it would be fun to make a bet, to bet that even a good little Christian would turn into a slut for a pretty face.”

“They planned it,” Rylan said, hearing the agonized fury in his own voice. “They sent him in after you, and everything he said, everything he did, was planned.”

Heather gave a jerky nod. “You got it. He played me from the start, knew his amazin’ looks would hook a young, innocent girl who didn’t know nothin’ about men or the ways of the world. The deal was I had to want it, had to come to him of my own free will. No rape, no force, or it wouldn’t count. So he made me fall in love with him, let the guys listen in on our phone calls so they’d have proof I wanted it and I was there freely.”

Rylan gripped her fingers. “Oh my God.”

“It gets better. I was listenin’ to all this bein’ said out in the hallway, and when he came back into the room, he flipped the lights on and threw his money on his dresser. ‘Gotta leave, sweet cheeks,’ he told me. ‘My girlfriend will be here in an hour, and you can’t be here. Up you go.’ He hauled me to my feet and shoved my clothes at me, actin’ mad at me for gettin’ blood everywhere ’cause now he’d have to change the sheets.

“By then I was totally numb, not really feelin’ nothin’, and I got dressed while he kept tellin’ me to hurry up. He said sorry, he didn’t have time to drive me home since he now had to do laundry, and he pushed me out the door and locked it behind me.”

Tears started to run down her cheeks. “And so I had to walk out of that barracks alone, down that hallway full of grinnin’, jeerin’ assholes who made jokes about sluts who liked cock, and how did it feel to be torn open by that hung stud, and if I wanted more all I had to do was say the word.”

“Oh, Heather.” Rylan couldn’t help but pull her into his arms, feeling her shudder against him as he held her tight.