Page 30 of Pieces of Me

“God, even if we could get them out, they’d be totally ruined.” Rylan spit on the ground a few times. “Gross, the smell got in my mouth. I can taste it!” He gave Scott a grateful smile when Scott handed him a piece of gum from a pack in his pocket, and they both chewed noisily, still making exclamations of disgust.

As they turned to walk back the way they came, Rylan said, “Too bad they’d throw perfectly good clothes away like that. You’d think maybe they’d give ’em to someone.”

Scott stopped short and pointed at him. “You said they were super religious, right? Said they prayed over G and made him starve or some shit?” When Rylan nodded, Scott spit his gum into some nearby bushes and grinned. “Stay here. And watch this.”

Rylan gasped as he strode right up to the front door and rang the bell. “What the fuck you doing?” he hissed, hurrying after him. Scott flapped his hand at him.

“Stay out of sight,” he hissed back. “You don’t want to scare her off with the gay.” He straightened as the door swung open, and Rylan flipped him a quick bird before ducking behind the bushes next to the porch. He was hidden but had a clear view of the front door.

“Yes?” the woman in the doorway warily, and Scott smiled at her. Rylan watched her eyes widen and her mouth drop open a little as the full force of Scott’s beauty slammed into her like a freight train.

“Ma’am, I’m with the Christian Coalition of―er―Prayer,” Scott said, his voice deep and smooth. “We’re going door-to-door collecting donations for our―for our―uh, charity fundraiser for the homeless.”

The woman didn’t answer, her gaze still fixed on Scott, mouth agape.

“Would you happen to have anything to donate for our worthy cause, ma’am?” Scott asked, his tone dropping even lower, becoming more intimate. “We’re especially lookin’ for clothes and shoes.”

“Oh my, yes,” she said breathlessly. “I have two large bags of clothes I wasn’t sure what to do with. Wait here.” She disappeared into the depths of the house, and Scott shot Rylan a triumphant glance. All Rylan could do was shake his head in awe, and suddenly she was back, lugging some green trash bags behind her.

Scott opened the screen door for her helpfully and started a little as the woman dropped the bags at his feet and grabbed for his hands, linking their fingers together.

“Such a wonderful young man,” she gushed. “Doing Jesus’s good work.” Rylan clapped his hand over his mouth to stifle nervous laughter as he saw Scott try to arrange his expression into one of supercilious piety. It must have worked, because the woman beamed at him.

“Jesus wants us to help the poor, the needy, ma’am,” he intoned. “I’m just doing what is right.”

“The hands and feet of Jesus. Praise God!” She lifted their joined hands high.

“Indeed.” Scott tried to pull free, but she held fast, looking up at him earnestly.

“Will you pray with me, Brother?”

Scott cut his eyes to Rylan, and Rylan had to work hard to suppress another laugh at the look in them, a sort of horrified amusement.

“Of course, ma’am.” They bowed their heads, but no one said anything, and as they stood there, Rylan was hard-pressed not to howl when he realized the woman expected Scott to say the prayer.

Scott must have realized that at the same time, because the look he cast Rylan next was filled with desperation. Rylan made a “get on with it” hand gesture at him, and Scott cleared his throat.

“Holy, holy, holy―God,” he said helplessly, and the woman bobbed her head, her eyes still closed.

“Yes, Jesus.” She lifted their clasped hands higher. “Praise your holy name.”

“Uh―bless this wonderful lady, this sweet lady, for her generous donation.”

“Oh, Jesus. Praise you!”

Warming to the task at her zealous words, Scott gave a thundering prayer full of all the religious words he could dredge up, stroking the woman’s ego shamelessly until she was vibrating with fervor. Rylan could only listen, shaking his head in bemusement.

“Blessings to all, and amen,” Scott said at last, and the woman opened her eyes and looked at him, a worshipful expression on her face.

“Jesus lives in you, young man. A true Brother in Christ.” She released his hands and reached up to pat his cheek, waving at the garbage bags. “Take these in peace and do good works in his name.”

Scott nodded and leaned to pick the bags up, backing down the steps while still giving her that high-wattage smile. “You’re putting jewels in your heavenly crown!” she called. “God will write your name in his book of life!”

“Sure. You, too,” Scott mumbled, and he hurried away. Rylan waited until the woman stepped back inside the house and closed the door before running after him.

Once they rounded the corner out of sight and earshot, Scott dropped the bags on the ground and bent over, propping his hands on his knees and taking deep breaths. “For fuck’s sake,” he growled, and Rylan lost it, shaking with laughter.

“Ha ha ha,” he cackled. “It’s so obvious you never prayed in your life, but she didn’t care, because you looked so pretty doing it!”