Page 38 of Paper Horses

Snatching the boot from her, I held it in one hand with the other boot and in one quick move, scooped her up. She yelped again, her hands grabbing at my shirt.

“What are you doing, Hudson? Put me down.”

“Nope. It’s time for you to remember who you are, Olivia.” I really didn’t know what I was doing, but there were layers peeling from her. I could see it as each one slowly unraveled from where she had them tightly wound, and I wasn’t about to stop their momentum. Besides, it felt right having her in my arms.

But you hate her.

The thought reeled up and struck me as I passed the threshold, remembering how I’d planned to ask her to marry me that day. How I had wanted all our plans to come true. The picket fence, the farmhouse, the horses, the kids, even the dog. I wanted it all with her, and I’d spent years living in the regret of having none of it, least of all her. I would have given it all up just to have her because she was the only thing I’d needed in my life. And fifteen years without her confirmed that truth. My heart hadn’t woken since then, and now…now it was springing back to life. As terrifying as that sounded. One day, mere hours with her, and I was questioning all the anger that had shielded my heart.

Chapter 10

Liv

Arms, muscular and sturdy, held me, their grasp tightening as Hudson’s expression changed. Where it had been light, amusement flickering in his eyes, his grin free, it was turning stormy with creases forming around his eyes, his jaw rigid.

“Hudson?” I asked, hating the shift because I knew what had caused it. The reality that sat between us. The fleeting moments of surfacing above the years of pain before collapsing again. “I’m sorry,” I said, burying my head into his chest. Exposed. Weak.

I had always let my defenses down with him because with him I was untouchable. I didn’t have to pretend to be hard, to be cold. Those feelings were ricocheting through me, battling my need for control. I was slipping under, and I hated it, but there was a part of me that was screaming for me to let go, to remember what it was like to live. Because I hadn’t lived since then. I’d only ever been alive with Hudson.

He tightened his hold on me, resting his chin on my head as he walked us. I had his socks bunched in my right hand, his shirt in my left. The constant thud of his heart was calming, and I almost felt like I was twenty-one again, safe and in love, pretending my mother hadn’t died two years earlier and that reality wasn’t waiting on the cusp, ready to obliterate me. I’d known from the moment Gabe had looked at me with those sad eyes, agony splayed through them, that I would have to give Hudson up. I’d always known, the terms of the trust lingering in the shadows, my father’s expectations hanging over me. But giving up the trust and disappointing my father had been a possibility if it meant I had Hudson.

Turning my back on Gabe had never been a possibility. Never had I been able to stand up for him, but that day when he’d suggested we turn on our father, the chance to do right by him was there. The only ask he’d ever had, and I couldn’t turn him down. The chance to avenge our mother’s death and make our father suffer, to bring some peace to Gabe. So I had pretended that reality didn’t exist, living my life of bliss with Hudson when we were together until the days grew too short and my expiration date hung before me. Graduation. The day I would leave to work for my father and step into my role as co-conspirator to Gabe.

“Are you?” Hudson asked, bringing me back. His voice was a low rumble that traveled through his chest.

“Yes,” I admitted.

I peeked up at him, seeing him nod, his eyes set on the distance.

His hold on my legs loosened, and he set me down. Cool, soft grass sank between my toes, and I understood then why he had carried me outside. I looked down, seeing the grass moving as my toes wiggled.

“Put your shoes back on,” Hudson called as he chased me across the quad.

“Never. You should take yours off,” I yelled back, moving my hip just before he caught it. The warm spring day had brought other students out, and I ran between them, hearing Hudson curse me.

“Watch your language!” I scolded him just as his hand spread over my stomach, and we went tumbling. He landed next to me, pulling me into his hold, and I scooted and repositioned so I was curled into his side.

His mouth found mine, the kiss hollowing out every space in my body and filling it with yearning. Heat flooded through me, and I grasped his shirt, pulling him closer.

“Think it might be time to put those shoes back on so we can finish this in your dorm room?” he said, nipping at the tip of my nose.

“That sounds tempting, but not yet.” I smoothed his shirt down and maneuvered from his hold. Sitting up, I wiggled my toes in the grass.

“What’s so exciting about grass?” he asked, wrapping his arm around me after he brought himself up.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I just don’t remember ever touching it with my feet.” I chewed the inside of my cheek, trying to remember a time when I had, but none came. My father would never have let us run around without shoes. He didn’t even let us run around. Even when we went down to the beach, we had to walk, and our feet needed to be cleaned before we entered the house. Mother had let us run. When he wasn’t home. And it was the freest I’d been until I met Hudson.

I leaned over and grabbed his foot.

“What are you doing, Olivia?” he asked with a laugh.

“Making us match.” I sat up on my knees and moved in front of him.

“Such a tease,” he mumbled, hunger flashing in his chestnut orbs.

“Later, dirty boy.” I tugged his shoe off, crinkling my nose when I took his sock off.

“If you’re a good girl.”