Page 106 of Kylie

“We weren’t excludin’ you on purpose.”

“It’s just routine to do everything without me,” I said, his shirt muffling my words.

“No. Well, yes. You’re right. It has become routine.” He loosened his arms, then leaned back to peer down at me. “We’re tryin’ to let you move at your own pace. When you’re ready to take the next step—whatever that may be—we’re ready, too.”

“We just don’t want to push you,” Gage said from behind Travis.

I pulled away, smoothing my hand down my shirt. I was proud of myself for not bursting into tears. That had been happening a lot lately, my emotions riding so close to the surface; even the smallest thing would set off the waterworks.

“I’m ready,” I told them, looking each of them in the eye. “I don’t need you to coddle me.”

Travis nodded. “Okay. But if you need to take him to the doctor and you don’t want to drive yourself, one of us can come home and take you to and from.”

“I can drive myself,” I assured him. No, I hadn’t driven yet, but I didn’t doubt my abilities. In fact, that was one of the subjects I’d been hoping we could broach this week. I didn’t intend to blaze a trail in town on a daily basis, but I did want to get a vehicle that could get me to and from appointments when I needed to go. Since they had sold my truck, I no longer had a means of transportation.

“Okay, then,” Travis said. “I’ll ride with Gage. You can keep the Escalade. If you change your mind, just text or call.”

I wouldn’t, but not because I wouldn’t have doubts in my abilities. I wasn’t that confident in myself just yet. However, I wouldn’t call or text them because I needed to prove to them that I was capable of taking care of my kids. That was an instinct that had never gone away, and although I wasn’t as close to them as I once was, I was still their mother. If there was any hope of strengthening that bond, my children needed to know they could depend on me the same way they used to.

Starting now.

Chapter Forty-Three

Monday, October 24, 2022

Kylie

Nineteen days.

That was how long I’d been home. Eighteen full days if I wanted to get technical about it. Which I didn’t.

Using the hidden key to Travis’s office, I unlocked the door and stepped inside. With the Pledge and a dust rag, I gave purpose to my existence by dusting the house, keeping it clean since I had little else to do. Actually, I had nothing else to do. Coming back from the dead meant coming home to a world where you no longer existed. Under the ruse of deciding my future, I was passing the time the only way I knew how.

I walked over to Travis’s desk, moving the few items out of the way so I could clean the already clean wooden top. Within a minute, it was gleaming even more than it had been. Then again, I’d cleaned it last Thursday, so there wasn’t much time for dust to collect.

With that done, I took a seat in Travis’s chair and spun around so I could clean the credenza. This was my favorite part because of the framed photos that he kept there. Cleaning in here gave me a chance to reflect back on the good ol’ days.

I wished I could say things were normal again, that I didn’t feel out of place anymore, but that would’ve been asking a lot of those nineteen days. That amount of time paled in comparison to how long I was gone, so I figured it was to be expected. It was getting better; I would admit that much. Mostly. The kids seemed more accepting of my presence with each passing day, although my relationship with each of them was vastly different than before my death.

Picking up the antique brass frame, I smiled at the girl grinning back at me. The picture was of Kate perched on one of Curtis and Lorrie’s horses. Evidently, she had started riding lessons last year, and she had taken to it to the point she was asking for her own horse. From what I could tell, Travis and Gage weren’t on board yet, but they assured her she could still take her weekly lessons at her grandparents’ house. It was humbling to realize that my daughter had been happy without me. As for her reaction to me being back … well, Kate was clingy when she used to be so independent. It took effort to get her to go to school because she insisted she needed to be home with me. After the first couple of days, I assured her I would be home when she got here. And I was. Every day.

I put the photograph down and picked up the next one. The frame was distressed wood, the picture inside of a boy with a grin the size of Texas. It was taken at Kalahari Resorts, during Kade’s sixth birthday party back in September. His hair was wet and plastered to his head, but he didn’t seem to mind one bit. He looked so happy there. Much happier than he seemed now that I was back. Kade was … I wasn’t sure how to describe how he was. Watchful, perhaps. He was more leery, that was for sure. More than once, he’d asked me why I made his dads cry when I left, questioned why I would trick them like that. I didn’t have the heart to tell him what actually happened. I didn’t want my children to know the horrors that had taken place during that time.

Setting the frame down, I moved to the next one. It was silver and embedded with glittering stones. The girl in the photograph looked sweet and shy, the camera capturing her personality perfectly. Avery was holding a sign that read: First Day of Kindergarten. I dusted the edges as I studied the picture of the little girl who was always checking on me, ensuring I was still present and accounted for. At night, Avery would ask me if I would still be around in the morning. Every night she asked that. I attempted to assure her that I would never leave her again, but I don’t know whether she believed me.

“One day you will,” I assured the little girl in the picture. “I promise.”

Putting that frame back in place, I picked up the next. Another wooden frame, though this one had jute rope glued around the edges. The photograph of Haden had been taken at Curtis and Lorrie’s. He was beaming with pride as he bit into a huge piece of watermelon. Haden was the one I felt most disconnected from. I had heard him arguing with Avery that I wasn’t the same mom he used to have. That broke my heart and made me want to do vile, illegal things to Martin Calloway. The bastard hadn’t just locked me up for all those months; he’d stolen my children from me.

Repositioning the frame on the credenza, I lifted the next one, my eyes tearing up. My sweet, sweet Maddox. For some reason, when I looked at the picture of him with his birthday cake, I felt like I’d been there with him that day. He was the only one who acted as though I had never left. Which was strange since he’d been so very young. I was shocked he even knew who I was. He was the same sweet boy I remembered, only bigger and more animated now. At three, he was a completely different child from the one I had seen on that fateful day when I disappeared from their lives.

I swallowed hard as I set that photo down and picked up the next one. This one was of Travis and Gage standing in front of a magnolia tree. On their wedding day.

My chest tightened with sorrow. Not necessarily because they had married but because they had done as I’d asked in the letter. Travis had shown it to me a few days ago, the paper worn around the edges because he had kept it in his wallet all this time. They looked so happy in that picture. So … complete.

Although I hadn’t caught them in the guest bedroom again, neither of them had so much as kissed me. Every now and then, I would get to cuddle with one of them in the morning, but as time went by, those instances were few and far between. Initially, I thought they were giving me space, allowing me to acclimate to being home again. But the more time that passed, I was starting to wonder whether they no longer had those same feelings for me.

Swallowing past the ball of emotion lodged in my throat, I put the frame back and got to my feet. I put Travis’s chair back where it belonged and finished up in the room, dusting all the flat surfaces before heading out, locking the door once more.