Page 115 of Married to Lies

For a moment, it felt like I couldn’t breathe.

If I wasn’t to blame, then who was?

Guilt hurt, but helplessness was worse.

Jada squeezed my shoulder. “What are you thinking, babe?”

I looked over at her, shaken to my core. “It has to be my fault.”

“Why?” she asked. “Why torture yourself like this?”

I shook my head, realizing something I hadn’t learned in years of therapy. “It’s like I need to have made a mistake, because if I did, I could learn from it, and next time I could do better. But if all of it truly wasn’t my fault, then there’s nothing I can do to prevent it from happening again.” Blaming myself was painful, but it felt safer than admitting I had never been in control at all.

Jada’s voice turned gentle. “That’s the biggest lie you’ve told.”

I looked at her with my eyebrows raised.

“You think you have all this power to save the world, but the only thing you can really control is your next move.”

I turned her words over in my mind and made a decision. For years, I’d been in hiding, running away from my story. It was time for me to own it.

55 Quentin

I felt every bit of my sleepless night as I walked down the hallway toward the conference room for our crisis PR meeting. After Rei left and I’d convinced Bryce I would be okay, I went online.

Like watching a train wreck, I read every article as it came out, scanned every social media post and watched video until my eyes were dry and my vision crossing. The original article had stuck to the facts, but people online could be vicious.

They called her a gold digger, a black widow who would suck the life out of MyHome to feed her own company. They said I was stupid for falling for it and questioned my leadership.

Maybe I was stupid for trusting her and hoping for the best.

But I’d been stupid last night too. She said she wanted to talk to me, but I insisted on making love instead. I had thought she wanted to discuss Claire, but now I knew she wanted to tell me her story.

Was it my fault she didn’t get the chance to tell me before the news leaked?

Today would look so much different if she had just told me the truth. Something I felt in my bones as I walked into the conference room to discuss the situation with MyHome’s crisis PR team.

Aaric had already arrived, and he stood to greet me with a sympathetic look that made me want to crawl out of my skin. What happened was embarrassing enough without his pity.

“I’m good,” I lied. “Just ready to put this behind us.”

Aaric nodded, but his eyes told me he didn’t believe me.

As I moved to sit down, I noticed Simon coming down the hallway, leaning heavily on a walker. “Shouldn’t you be resting?” I asked him.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” he grunted. The phrase was a lot darker with a terminal diagnosis and an attempted murder under his belt.

“Good to see you up and walking,” Aaric encouraged him.

He dipped his head in a nod, showing patchy, scaly bits on his scalp. “Met with the nurse early this morning, and she said it was important for me to stay mobile. I’d rather not spend my last few months lying in bed.”

Jude came into the office then. “What a fucking mess,” he muttered.

I huffed a surprised laugh. Never before had I been so grateful for his sour mood. At least he was honest.

Bryce came in next and made small talk with Simon about something he’d read in the news about our alma mater’s new horticulture building, which of course piqued Aaric’s interest. I was relieved not to have their focus on me.

My phone vibrated on the table. I glanced at the screen, seeing Rei’s name. I quickly turned it over. The last thing I needed now was my feelings getting in the way.