Page 133 of A Modest Independence

“It wasn’t the climate. It’s never been anything but who I am. A sickness I inherited from my own mother.” He blinked rapidly. “There’s no cure for it, but activity helps to keep it at bay. Within a month of being here, I realized there was no other place I’d rather be. It’s something in the air, you see. Something in the food—in the tea—and in living as I do amongst the people. It’s taken me outside of myself in a way that nothing else ever could. Hossein understands it. He always has. It’s why he took me to Miss Chatterjee instead of the depot hospital. I daresay he thought it was my way out of it all.”

“Out of the army?”

“The army. The world.” Giles paused, a deep breath expanding his chest. “When I woke up, after the cholera had taken Miss Chatterjee and her parents, Hossein brought me here to this very spot. I sat atop this ridge, my bandages still bloody, and I looked out at this view and I realized…”

“What?” she asked softly.

“That the Earl of Castleton wasn’t so very important a man. That there was something bigger out there.”

“You’re speaking of God.”

“God, Allah, Brahman. The name doesn’t matter. All I know is that I’ve found peace here. I’ve found purpose again. From that moment, my life in England was over.”

Jenny thought she understood. He’d had a sort of spiritual awakening. An epiphany of the soul.

Either that or he was simply being self-indulgent.

“What about Helena?” she asked.

“I made arrangement for her to inherit before I left London. In the event of my death, she’d be well taken care of.”

“I don’t mean the money. I’m speaking of her heart. You broke it, Giles. She’s still grieving for you.”

“You said she’d married.”

“One can experience love and marriage and still be grieving for the loss of a family member. We’re not all solid shades of black or white, Helena least of all.” She touched Giles’s arm, feeling him stiffen beneath her fingers. “She’s as subject to these bouts of sadness as you are. How do you think it affected her to lose her brother? The least you could have done was write and tell her you’d decided to remain here.”

“It’s better this way.”

“Better for you, perhaps.” She paused, adding, “And don’t dare spout any more nonsense about the peace you’ve found in India. I can’t believe any deity would grant you that peace at the expense of your family. God expects us to be responsible. To shoulder our burdens, not to shift them onto people who aren’t capable of bearing them.”

Giles gave her a scornful look. “A vicar’s daughter to the last.”

She nearly laughed. “If you think I learned about taking responsibility from my father, you’re much mistaken, my lord. My father never met a burden he didn’t mind foisting onto me. A gentleman shouldn’t behave in such a way. Not if he expects to be worthy of the name.”

“You’d have had me return and be miserable. All for the sake of the Castleton family name.”

“I don’t give a snap of my fingers for your family name.”

“Do you know, I don’t believe that you do.” He turned away from the view. “Where are you staying?”

“At a guest house on the opposite side of the ridge.”

“The one with the dubious Khansama?” Giles heaved a sigh. “You’d better put up here.”

She searched his face. “Very well. If that’s what you wish. I’ll send Ahmad to fetch my maid and our luggage.”

He shook his head. “You really did it. You came all the way here to find me.”

She made a soft sound of disagreement. “I came here for the adventure. Finding you was a secondary concern.”

“One for which you brought along the most lethal attack dog you could find.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Mr. Finchley of the notorious Fleet Street firm of Fothergill and Finchley. Damnation, Jenny. Was there no greater villain you could have employed?”

She scowled. “I’ll thank you to stop addressing him in those terms. He’s been nothing but helpful to me since we left London. I count him a friend.”