Page 123 of The Matrimonial Advertisement

He folded his arms. “Helena, I thought I made myself clear in London.”

Helena pressed on as if she hadn’t heard him. “I told you that I was very sorry you’d been burned. And you said…” She moistened her lips. “Do you remember what you said?”

His jaw tensed. “Something crass. What difference does it make?”

“Yes, it was very crass. Indeed, it was quite the most shocking thing anyone has ever said to me. Had I not been so desperate, I would have fled there and then.” Her hands tightened on the back of the chair. “Later, at the hotel, I asked why you’d said such a thing. Do you remember?”

Justin looked away from her. “Helena—”

“You said that you knew I was too good for you. That you were trying to be noble.”

“I don’t see the point of going over all of this—”

“The point is,” she said, “I don’t need you to be noble. I only need you to be mine.”

His gaze slid back to hers. The cold mask he wore was beginning to crack, deep emotion struggling to break through.

A rush of elation almost stole her breath. She’d been right. He did care for her after all.

She dropped her hands from the chair and took a step toward him. “Your bruises are healing nicely.”

“It’s been several weeks.”

“How well I know it.” Another step brought her closer. “Have you been reading the news from London?”

He shook his head.

“Mr. Pelham’s editorial has caused a bit of an uproar, just as Mr. Finchley predicted. The Times has run a series of their own on private asylums. Parliament has shown no inclination to act, as yet, but I have hopes they will. I’ve been contributing funds to the cause. It’s become a sort of charitable project of mine.”

Justin didn’t say anything. He merely looked at her, emotion warring in his smoke-gray gaze, as she advanced upon him.

“I’ve had to keep myself busy, you see. I’ve been so unhappy. Indeed, the day you left me in London, I wept for the first time in nearly a year. I thought my heart was broken.”

At the mention of her tears, Justin’s mask cracked a little more.

She stopped in front of him, so close that her skirts bunched against his legs. “I’ve been fretting about what I would say to you for the entirety of the journey here. But now that I see you—now that I’m standing here, looking at you once more—all I can think to tell you is that you may be as cold and indifferent to me as you please, but I’m not going anywhere.”

“Helena…”

“I won’t agree to dissolve our marriage, or to live apart from you. If you want to be rid of me, you shall have to sue for divorce. Though I warn you, it would be the scandal of the decade and likely ruin us both.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I know my own mind, Justin. I’m not the same frightened creature I was when we met.”

“I realize that,” he said with sudden gruffness. “You’re much stronger now. If you weren’t, I’d never have—” He broke off abruptly, pushing his fingers through his hair in visible frustration. He turned and went to the fireplace, his back to her. “You shouldn’t have come here.”

“Nonsense. Greyfriar’s Abbey is my home now. Where else in the world should I be?”

He muttered something under his breath. It sounded rather like an oath. She couldn’t quite make it out. And then he laughed. A short, bitter laugh. “Greyfriar’s Abbey. Do you know how many years I planned and schemed to own that cursed place? I wanted it, beyond all thought. Beyond all reason. I believed I deserved it. And I thought that by taking it, the emptiness within me would be…I don’t know. Filled or eradicated. Something.”

She came to stand behind him.

“And now it’s mine. That magnificent, miserable house, which has never once made me happy.” He stared into the cold fireplace for a long moment. “The wanting I felt for the Abbey is but a pale shadow of the wanting I feel for you.”

Her pulse beat heavy at her throat. “Then why did you try to drive me away? Are you afraid I won’t make you happy either?”

“How could I be happy when I know I’d be destroying the one thing—the one person—I care about most in all the world?” He turned to face her. And the mask was gone. Vanished. In its place was stark vulnerability. “I’ve not been a good man, Helena. I’ve been selfish in my need. Ruthless and unforgiving. But with you…” He shook his head. “I can’t be that man anymore.”