Page 43 of A Secret In The Garden

“Jasper, distance isn’t going to change what you’re feeling,” he said gently from behind me. I let the words bounce off my back.

Irritated and dejected, I took the long way to my room so as to avoid any chance of running into Eliza in the conservatory or the kitchen. I didn’t want to have to deal with her. Me spending a few weeks at the vineyard would be best. Because of that dickhead leaking her photo, she was already tangled up with the Blackwood name more than was good for her, the best thing I could do was to leave for a while, get some space, get things back to normal.

Not wanting to waste any time, I packed a quick bag and headed out immediately. The sooner I got out of here, the better.

My hand stalled on the doorknob to the garage while I debated if I should say goodbye to her or not. It’d be the last time I ever saw her. I wouldn’t come back until she was gone and away from the manor. She’d be upset when she found out I’d up and left, especially after our last conversation. It didn’t matter; it still had to happen.

“You’re taking off?” Her voice pressed through my ear and into my head like a silk bullet.

Shit.

I turned around, our eyes locked for a second, and I knew my stupid face betrayed me, telling her everything I couldn’t.

“Some business came up that I need to take care of at our vineyard in New York,” I said in a flat voice.

I watched her pretty eyes when it clicked. She knew exactly what I was doing, running away from her.

“Oh.” The well-practiced mask on her face remained polite. She pulled the inside of her cheek into her teeth. “That’s a shame; I was just getting ready to plant some of the beds this weekend. It’s going to look so much better; I’m finally making some real progress. I think we’ll—I’ll still make the timeline for the blooming of the corpse flower. Leah is sending out invites for the party. It will be in six weeks.”

Her eyes held questions I silently begged her not to speak. It was hard to be distant with her when all I wanted to do was explore.

“How long will you be gone for?” Her mask flickered only for a few seconds, but she recovered it gracefully.

I still held on to the doorknob. A rush of somber feelings settled inside of me as I looked at it and not her. “For a while. Sowerby will give you my number if you need me for anything business related.” Why did I say it like that? I really was a prick.

“Ah,” she said, pulling back into herself.

Good. It was easier if there was less of her to hurt. I opened the door to leave, telling myself to run to the car before she said another word.

“Will you be coming back for the party? Everyone at the botanical gardens would love to meet you.” Her voice held a high note filled with hope that may as well have been an arrow lodging into my ribs. Yeah, she had gotten too close already.

Say something mean and insensitive. Cut her so deep she’ll be glad you’re leaving.

I couldn’t think of anything mean to say to her, mostly because I didn’t want to be mean to her; I wanted to be really, really nice to her—an odd thing for me.

“No. I don’t like parties.” I couldn’t look at her. Unfortunately, unlike her, my mask didn’t hold up around her very well.

She broke first. “Jasper, you don’t have to go. I pushed you too far. I’m sorry, I’ll back off; if you want me to stop work and leave, I will. I didn’t mean to cause any problems.”

Fuck.

My hand dropped from the door, and I spun to face her, glad when a flicker of fear pulsed across her face at my pissed-off expression. “You see, Eliza, I don’t want you to go, and that’s the problem. I want you to stay so I can do horrible, depraved things to you.” I pulled myself together before I said too much. “Text me a photo of you standing next to the corpse flower when it blooms; I’m interested in seeing what it looks like.” Lies. I was interested in seeing the beaming, proud smile on her face when she completed the project. My head dropped heavily. “I’ve given Sowerby the go-ahead to let our gardeners into the conservatory. I realize you’ve put all the work in so far and only have a few more weeks before the corpse flower blooms, so I’ll leave it up to you if you’d like to accept their help at this point or finish it strong on your own. I understand either way. My lawyer is working with the media to keep your name out of further press, but it’s hard to say if that will work or only incite them further. Goodbye, Eliza.”

I slipped out the door and closed it behind me before she had a chance to say anything. I paused a beat. I felt more in control already. I got in my car, left the manor, and refused to look back. It wasn’t until I landed in Rochester that I allowed myself to wonder about what could have happened if I hadn’t left. I told myself I was paranoid and stupid and that nothing would have happened between us had I stayed. I was in full command of myself. It’s not like I even knew her that well.

I shook my head before putting up the partition between the driver and myself. I didn’t want to look at another person. I’d made the right decision to leave.

I kept busy at the vineyard. It had been in need of attention from me for a while, mostly minor things I’d let stack up, but I found that even in a completely different state, Eliza still took up most of my thoughts. I caught myself wanting to pull and save various wines for her to try, fighting a grin like a fucking dope when I recalled her scrunched-up face after she had tasted the wine at the business dinner that night. When I was supposed to be speaking to local vendors at a game bar, I thought about how fun it would have been to challenge her to a game of, well…anything. I could only imagine how much fun it would be to push her competitively. I wondered if Sowerby had shown her the game room or if she even enjoyed things like that. She hadn’t seemed like she played many games. I should have shown her more of the house. She was as easy as a book to read—I doubted she’d wait a day before she snooped around now that I wasn’t there to catch her. I didn’t blame her. I’d have wandered the house the first night after someone told me not to. I didn’t hate the idea of her looking through my stuff as much as I thought I would. I would have liked to catch her, though. She looked particularly beautiful when she was afraid of me.

Over the next few days, I began to forget entirely why it was better that I stay away from Eliza. I didn’t like being told no, even when I was doing it to myself. I wanted her, and I was far too accustomed to getting every single thing I wanted. The house I kept while at the winery was average sized. I didn’t need much, especially since I kept no staff at any of my other houses. The only people I even remotely trusted were at Blackwood Manor, always waiting for me when I returned. This time, being at the vineyard was different. It was lonely in a way I’d never noticed before. With the bulk of my work completed by evening, I had nothing else to do but sit alone in the quiet house and listen to myself breathe.

The management at the vineyard was a well-oiled machine, and in truth, I was only getting in their way being here after doing the small handful of things required of me. As the owner, it was good to pop in every now and again to maintain order, but this vineyard had been thriving long before I had taken over. They needed my say on a few small changes and additions, but that was easily done. Typically, in truth, I spent most of my time away from Blackwood Manor. It was easy to leave the discomfort behind. But not now. Now I found I wanted to go home—and play.

Still, it was better this way.

If I’d stayed near her any longer, I’d have ruined her. Even if I pursued Eliza for my own selfish reasons, I would be a possessive, controlling monster, and I liked her too much to subject her to that. Besides, it sounded like she’d already had too much of that in her life.

I needed to call Sowerby and check on things at the manor, make sure everything was all right. I picked up my phone from the kitchen island and saw I had missed a text from a number that I didn’t recognize.