Page 41 of How Does It Feel?

I hastily slammed into the nearest wall and flattened my body against it as I crouched low, praying I would get my wish and become invisible. I was so very tired of being frightened.

The black smoke swirled from the wall’s opening as clouds billowed onto the marble floor.

Interesting, black smoke.

A hotter fire than normal converts more fuel into elemental carbon. That formed into tiny particles that absorbed light and appeared as black smoke. At least in the human realm, the blacker the smoke, the more volatile the fire, generally speaking. Most fires, like camp or kitchen fires, produced white smoke. I kept that knowledge filed in the back of my mind.

I careened my head to get a better look but could only see smoke-filled shadows. I knew he was inside, though, because the wall panel slid back down with a loud clang. The smoke billowed across the floor, but still, I saw no man.

A low, rattling growl sounded beside me as I stared at the wall panels. I spun, uncertain of how it had passed by me unnoticed.

The coat of the large panther glared blue it was so dark and velvety. Its head was aimed at me, lower than its body, ready to pounce. Large golden eyes gleamed against the shadowy fur on its giant face. Small black irises tracked my every breath, flickering slightly as my chest rose and fell rapidly. Long clear whiskers shot out from either side of his nose like a normal panther. Round ears sat positioned slightly away from me. It was going to pounce.

Up until this point, my mind seemed determined to categorize it as a normal panther. What a foolish thing to do in a Faerie realm filled with magic and beasts. Where a tail might normally be, sat nine powerful tails. Each of them with a glistening tip, poised in an arch, aimed at random spots on my body.

It took me a moment of curiosity, wondering why they were aimed at random places, before I realized they were all the various points on my body where a puncture wound would kill instantly, especially after being injected with what I could only assume was poison dripping from the sharp tips. The sharp, curved points formed a threatening vision. They were all black but reminded me of liquid metal dipped in ink.

Had I seen the tail, I would not have been so stupid. I would not have been foolish enough to have attempted what I did, though, to be honest, I hadn’t been thinking at all. My body simply reacted.

I reached my hand out quickly, without hesitation, and rubbed its furry black cheek.

My fingers rubbed the soft pad just under its rounded ear deftly, and suddenly, I had no fear. I only ever felt peace and magic with animals, foolish as it may have been. Even the scary ones were still in need of kindness. The moment my fingers touched the creature, all my terror seemed to evaporate. I supposed this was what true madness looked like after all.

The large black cat hesitated only a second after my touch. Before my eyes could open from their last blink, the feline shot its scorpion-like tails over its body, pressing each point firmly against my skin. One pressed lightly into the base of my neck, where my spinal cord met my brain stem. Two on my neck at my carotid arteries, two under each armpit by the axillary arteries, one at my heart, one on the right side of my body at my liver, and one on the side of my groin in the crook of my leg . . . What was that? Ah, yes, my femoral artery and then one on my popliteal artery just below that.

Interesting.

The sharp points pressed just enough into the skin to cause a small prick.

I looked into the panther’s eyes, foolishly searching for comfort. I’m not sure why since he was the one about to kill me. I took a deep breath as I continued to rub his velvety fur, more to comfort myself than anything. Its yellow eyes darted back and forth between mine in obvious confusion.

I’d never learned to fear animals; they had always seemed to balm my weary soul when I needed it most. This large cat did the same. If I was to die, let it be by him and end this once and for all. I was so tired of being afraid, and my body found some semblance of comfort in his furry presence. He wasn’t evil, even with poison tips feathered against my skin. I knew he wasn’t quite like the others. I could feel it.

I reopened my eyes, not realizing I had closed them, and the giant cat slowly retracted all nine of his tales. His golden eyes still latched onto mine, but now his furry features pulled together with concern.

“Your heart rate is slow, almost as if . . .” The large cat’s voice was deep, like a long rattling growl with the hint of an accent.

It’s what I would imagine my grandfather would sound like if I had ever met him.

“My heart rate?” I questioned, feeling dazed.

Had those points already injected me? I felt cozy. It was taking almost everything I had not to snuggle up to the giant death kitty. Yes, my mind had definitely left me.

“You . . . you pet me?” He asked incredulously.

I hadn’t realized, but my other arm had come up to stroke along his back while the hand that was near his ear had moved to pet the soft fur under his chin. For a split second, I swore he stretched his head up to let me get a better angle.

“I understand you are going to kill me,” I said sadly. “I suppose I trust your judgment more than the others here. If you’re going to, you must have a good reason to, right?”

The cat backed away from my reach and scowled at me as if disgusted that I had touched him.

“A good reason? You were sent to kill the crown prince, my lord. I need no reason to kill you, human.”

He began to pace in front of me, back and forth just out of my reach. It reminded me of the panthers that paced the glass windows at the zoo.

“No,” I stated, wishing I could get my hands in the soft fur again.

This was the longest I had been without some type of animal interaction besides the occasional visit from brown rat, and I couldn’t help but realize just how much I relied on them for comfort. Animals felt like home. The rehab center had meant everything to me. It often felt like they were the only ones to make me feel safe. Yes, I realized the irony of that statement, considering that I included a magical-Unseelie-assassin panther in that statement. Had I been mad for a while?