Page 18 of How Does It Feel?

With some of the stories he had told, I half expected a monster to leap out from the patch behind the mushroom.

He smiled weakly at me but seemed to shake himself out of whatever sadness had clutched him. “You must be lucky,” he murmured as he looked around.

“How great! Let’s collect this, it’s getting dark, and I really want to use my new microscope before we have to leave!” I practically sang. “Let’s come back tomorrow and look for more, you free?”

By this time, the dense forest had grown dull with slate-gray skies. The air felt suddenly thick and mucky. I didn’t see a storm in the forecast, but nature had no rules. No one knew that better than me. This was strange though. It was almost . . . a feeling inside. Something just felt wrong, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was exceptionally odd because I had just felt so happy. This mushroom could potentially be the answer to all my problems. So why did I feel like I wanted out of here as fast as possible? I couldn’t help but look around the darkening forest floor as a feeling of dread began to overtake me. The giant trees hemmed us in as the whispers of fear began to trail across my skin.

I was being ridiculous. There was nothing here.

I placed my pack on the floor, but my body screamed at me to hurry and gather the sample so we could leave.

Something brushed against my arm as I knelt to pull out my equipment.

I leaped sideways to get away from it, nearly crushing my microscope as I clumsily fell on the ground next to it.

“Fuck! What is it, Cal?”

Earl launched toward me and helped me up with shaking hands. The harsh tone didn’t sound like him, and it only made me more uneasy.

“It’s Callie, not Cal,” I said under my breath after thanking him for helping me.

He straightened his suspender strap and knelt to help me with the equipment.

“You feel it too, don’t you?” he asked, looking at my face.

I really didn’t want to encourage any of his unstable behavior. But yes, I felt it too.

It was the shadow of a skin-crawling feeling, the leaking drip of terror before the true fear engulfed you. The feeling was so sudden and disturbing—I felt like we were marinating in it. It was like the feeling you get when you’re alone and you know someone is watching you. No sounds to tip you off, no warnings, just a feeling. Except instead of feeling eyes on me, I felt . . . pure evil and darkness. Something hovered threateningly in the air that told my body to get away as fast as possible, that we were not safe.

Any other time, I would have searched nearby for more destroying angel mushrooms. Typically where one mushroom grew, there were plenty of others hidden, and I needed to find a patch of several, but my mind was forbidding the thought of staying a second longer than necessary.

“Yea, I do. Are we safe?” I asked, sort of embarrassed to be admitting it out loud. Maybe I was going a little crazy too.

“For now. I’m really sorry, Cal. I hate that you are around any of this.” He stared at his feet.

The expression was as forlorn as if his favorite dog had died. I felt terrible; I wanted to help him.

“Are you kidding? You have helped me in so many ways, Earl. You have been the best friend I’ve had in a long time, and I really needed a good friend,” I said, hoping to make him feel better.

I really was grateful, but this ominous feeling was messing with my head. Was any of what he had said true? Was I crazy now? I pushed it into a compartment to dissect later, half expecting a black unicorn to trot out in front of me.

We finished collecting samples and packed up quickly. The entire time Earl seemed to be regretting the decision to bring me here.

Under the microscope, the spores of the destroying angel looked unlike anything I could have ever imagined. Where spores normally looked like tiny beige bubbles or eggs, the destroying angel spores looked unreal, like black smoke trying to escape the glass. My blood was pounding so hard in my ears that I had barely heard the thunder that began to rumble.

“We gotta get out of here, I can’t do this!” Earl shouted as a wild gust of wind dove violently through trees, shoving our jackets and clothes wherever it commanded.

“I just need to collect it!” I shouted back.

The sudden aggression of the wind made it so I had to yell. It was only one mushroom, but I wouldn’t risk coming back for it. I needed it now. Branches bare and full of foliage alike smacked and slammed the bodies of neighboring trees with each ominous gust. Earl’s cap flew off, now a prisoner to the wind.

Normally I enjoyed storms. I liked the patter of rain on my windows and the peaceful rumble of thunder. I’d fallen asleep to it many times.

But not here and not now. This was anything but peaceful. Though there was still no rain, the smokey gray forest seemed to pulse as if readying itself for something evil. I’ve never felt anything like it, and I’m not quite sure how to describe it. I was a practical woman, so it was even more unsettling to have my body suddenly react the way it was. I saw no threat, nothing but a storm. Nothing to provoke these feelings of . . . darkness?

A loud clap of thunder sent me nearly out of my boots as I jumped. Seeing Earl jump didn’t make me feel any less scared. I nearly fell, scrambling to shove items back into my pack with pure determination to leave.

I had a fleeting thought before I placed the mushroom in the container and in my pack. Was this a bad omen? I typically wasn’t superstitious, but I couldn’t help feeling weird about what was happening.