Page 1 of How Does It Feel?

Chapter 1

The Beginning of the End

Callie

The damp floor of the dungeon made it hard to keep the tiny cuts of cheese on my mini charcuterie board. I suppose it was less of a board and more of a loose brick from the back wall, but the rat that visited this cell wouldn’t mind.

I laughed out loud at how cute it looked with the little bits of cracker and honey saved from my meal yesterday. My muscles froze. I immediately berated myself for the laughter that had slipped out.

They didn’t like when I made noises. When I made noises, they woke up. They had told me they would hurt me again if I made any more noise. I pressed my body into the faulty shelter of the dungeon’s shadows.

My finger’s poked the open, bloodied wound on my head as a firm reminder of its horrible capabilities.

A deep inhale stretched my sinewy ribs as I imprinted my finger nail sharply into the wound. I bit the iron cuffs around my wrist to muffle my cries as the metal tang of blood swirled with the bite of iron in my mouth.

Good, I still felt something. My taut muscles relaxed the faintest amount.

The iron chain between my cuffs clanged loudly against itself with my slight movement.

Blackness immediately consumed me as my eyes shut so tightly that tiny flecks of light speckled the back of my eyelids. The hard stone wall dug into my flesh. I pressed harder, willing it to swallow me up so I would no longer be inside the fear-laced cell of this dungeon.

Had I caused it to wake?

A few stray tears escaped my eyes as my body trembled.

Fuck. Fuck.

I shook so hard I threatened to wake him with the rattle of my bones.

Be quiet or it will wake and hurt you again.

I wish I could have known more details about all of this. I was beginning to question who I really was anymore. It was like ten versions of myself were shoved into this body, and I grew more confused about who I was with every day that passed.

I just wanted to be myself for a while. I had forgotten what that felt like.

A moment of stillness passed. I filled myself with a silent lungful of relief and returned to my mini charcuterie board.

I could wait and see if they gave me more bread tonight, but I doubt they would.

Holding my breath, I stepped over the rusted chain that connected my cuffs and pulled my hands wide on either side of my body. The thick iron chain pulled tightly around my lower back, silencing any metal clangs as I moved the brick of food back toward the cell wall where I had removed the brick from originally. I sat in front of the large gap and waited patiently for the only thing that kept me sane . The only thing I looked forward to anymore.

Within a few moments, the grungy brown rat came.

“I’m so glad you made it back,” I mouthed excitedly, the smacks of my lips the only sound I dared to make.

The large brown rat turned its beady black eyes both ways before bypassing the food and running into my lap. He looked bigger today. His dark fur, slick with greasy patches, seemed more filled out than usual. Was I crazy to think a rat had gained muscle?

“I told you to stop saving your food for us. I want to help you escape, not take your nourishment,” the mahogany rat whispered as he climbed onto my shoulder and nuzzled the crook of my neck.

His soft fur brushed against my skin. He was so warm and dry compared to everything else down here.

“Take the food back to the others, please. I’d like to know you are all fed,” I pleaded softer than a whisper but more cautious than a secret.

He had told me many times that the castle rats were taken care of, but I couldn’t stand the thought of any of the animals and creatures around this horrible place not having food.

“Please be quiet. I cannot stand to see them hurt you anymore,” he whispered softer than before. “Any of them.” He paused to look in the opposite corner of the dark cell before his small voice continued. “I came to tell you that he is on the way and I have failed you. Please, please don’t give up. We will find a way—” The brown rat squeaked loudly before scurrying off my shoulder and out the hole again with a deep grunt, just as a loud bang thudded and a large boulder slammed into the wall, somehow missing the rat’s naked tail.

It was awake.