Page 38 of Darkest Kiss

He taps his head.

"You mean the killing thing?"

"No." A pause. "I mean Beast."

I wait for the punchline, because surely there's a punchline. "Okay. You’ve mentioned Beast before. Is that a nickname for your penis?" I gesture vaguely toward the general region of his lap. “I think he's earned a more dignified title."

The corner of his mouth moves, but he doesn't exactly smile.

"There's a voice in my head. He’s been with me since I was a kid. Distinct enough that I can hold an actual conversation with him. He argues with me. He usually wants things I don't. He surfaces mostly when I'm threatened, but he's always back there, talking."

I prop myself up to look at him properly, because I think he might be serious. When I see that he is, the realization sits oddly in my chest. "You're not joking?"

"No."

"There's a voice. A whole separate voice. With… opinions?"

Rian nods. "Strong ones. He thought that building you this room was sentimental. He thinks I should've told you I existed months ago instead of lurking like a coward." He finally turns his head to me. "He loves you, though."

Loves me? I don't know what to do with my face, so I just listen. It turns out to be the right call, because he keeps going.

"I'm fairly sure he isn't normal. I've never told a doctor about him. I figure a psychiatrist would take one look inside my head and run screaming out of the building. There's a lot in my head that doesn't belong in polite company." He says this the way you'd describe a room you don't show guests. "I made my peace with it a long time ago. He kept me alive when I was small and nobody else was going to. I don't love everything he is. But he's mine. He's part of how I work. And pretending otherwise never got me anywhere good."

He looks at me. There's something almost shy in his gaze, which on a man his size is faintly ridiculous. I reach for his hand, clenching it in my grip.

“You’re okay,” I say solemnly. “You might be a psycho killer and I might be your captive, but you’re watching out for me. I believe that much. I see it, you know. The killer. The man. The guy with the voice in his head." I find his hand and hold onto it. "I'm looking right at all of it. And I notice I haven't left the room.”

Rian’s eyes flash. "You're outside the norm too, you know. I look at you, at how you carry on every day despite these panic attacks, and suddenly I'm not the only one in the world carrying a heavy burden." His voice drops. "I'm sorry it costs you so much. I am. But it's the reason I feel so close to you. One of the reasons. Whatever."

I don't have anything to say to that. There isn't anything. He's just told me there's a person living inside his head. And that the broken part of me makes him feel less broken.

“Thanks for sharing that with me,” I say softly. There’s a lot going on behind those icy green eyes. Much more than I thought.

He’s quiet for a couple of minutes. “Did I scare you off? Are you trying to make a hasty exit plan.”

“I don’t think so.” I smile at him. “I’m honestly a little worried about the fact that I feel… safer??? Knowing about the Beast.”

“Just Beast,” Rian corrects. “Don’t want him to think his name is a title, ya know?”

I crack up. “No, we wouldn’t want that.”

He smirks and lifts my hand, kissing the back of it. “Are you feeling better?”

“I am.” I look around, then bury my face in my hands. “Rian. I can’t believe you built this.”

“I had to.” He arches a brow. “On the off chance that you ever came over and had a panic attack here. You deserve to be comfortable.”

“You’re crazy.” I elbow him. “And I’m not talking about Beast.”

“So people have been telling me my entire fucking life.”

"I still want the roof," I tell him. "The restaurant. Somewhere that isn't a panic room or a kitchen."

“First off, it’s not a panic room. It’s a calm room. Second, going anywhere outside the penthouse is a risk."

I bump him with my shoulder. "You said you'd prove you're useful. So, prove it. Take me somewhere nice and keep me alive while I'm there." I lift my chin. "I have it on good authority that you can want two things simultaneously."

The corner of his mouth twitches at his own words coming back at him. "You stay where I can see you. The whole time. You don't wander, you don't go anywhere alone, and if I tell you to get down, you get down before you finish thinking about it."