Page 65 of The Tiger in the Sack

Her eyes went past me to the door, and I saw the second she figured it out, which was that the thing in the hallway was Tiki Jackson and the man in her office was the lesser of two chaos agents.

“Sit down,” she said. “And do not touch anything, especially my spreadsheet.”

I eyeballed the space under her desk wondering if I could squeeze myself in there.

Clover’s office was not large. It was a converted equipment room with one window, one desk, one file cabinet, and approximately one and a half square feet of floor that was not occupied by either furniture or me.

If Tiki opened the door, I could maybe hide behind the door, but she’d probably still see me.

The heel clacking on the floor stopped right outside, and this was do or die.

I dove under her desk and folded down into that one and a half square feet with my knees somewhere near my own ears and my back against cold metal, and I had the brief, clarifying thought that I had won championships in college and thrown for four thousand yards last season and was currently crouching under office furniture to avoid a woman and her yappy little dogs purse.

But then I turned my head and got a full view of Clover’s thighs right in front of my nose and I forgot how to think.

“This is undignified,” She said, quietly.

“Shhh.”

The door opened without a knock, because Tiki Jackson did not knock. Tiki Jackson arrived.

“Clover, sweetie.” The sound of the purse unzipping had me frozen. If she let the dogs out, they would find me. I scooted infinitesimally closer to Clover and her thick thighs. Good god they were just so… lickable.

”Have you seen Isak? Big. Yummy. Quarterback. Possible father of my future children.”

“Umm…I don’t think I have, no.” She didn’t miss a beat. Even though I was possibly drooling on her. Literally. But it wasn’t like I could move to wipe my mouth. “Have you tried the weight room?”

“He’s not in the weight room. I checked there and the locker room.” There was a long pause that I did not like the shape of. “Why are you so flushed, sweetie? What have you been doing in this little secluded office all by yourself?”

I stopped breathing.

“I must have just done a good job on my makeup today. I love a good blush, don’t you?” Clover was trying very hard to redirect the conversation.

While I was hiding like the champion of Kingman hide and seek, I was also dying to hear about this supposed flush on her cheeks.

“Does it smell like men’s cologne in here?”

“The entire building smells like men. I must not be able to tell anymore.” Not a flicker. Not a half-second of tell. “Those players and their body sprays. Better than stinky football player sweat though.”

There was a silence in which I was hoping Tiki was reassessing. Princess Cheeseburger with her dying car horn groan-bark made her annoyance known, Prince French Fries emitted a low growl, and King Manicotti had definitely caught my scent. I could tell by the whining. Please, please, please, please don’t let those things out of the bag.

I don’t want a Manacotti, I’m lactose intolerant. And Vito would probably eat it.

“Mm,” said Tiki. “Well. If you see my guy.” The purse zipped again. The heels turned. “Tell him his Tiki is looking for him.”

The heels clicked away. The yipping receded down the hall like a tiny tornado moving out across the plains to wreak more havoc.

I didn’t move partly because what if Tiki came dashing back just to check that I wasn’t hiding in here, and partly because of the view. I was going to be dreaming about…

Clover slid her chair back and smacked me across the top of my head.

“You can come out now, you perv,” Clover said.

I came out. It took a while. Because I was being very careful not to wrench my shoulder, or my elbow, or my eye sockets. But I finally popped up, staying on my knees, folded my arms across the lip of the desk, and propped my chin on my hands.

“You are blushing.” And I loved it. I wanted to see that rosy, pink glow in a lot more places than just her cheeks.

“You had your face between my knees, Kingman. What did you expect?” Her eyes were giving me a challenge, and man, oh, man, was I up for it.