Page 80 of Septembers

“No.” He didn’t deserve to be the one crying, but the tears came anyway.

“What’s going on?” Nick put the soup on the counter and guided him to Céline, sitting down beside him with a hand on Theo’s back.

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

Confusion. Disbelief. Denial. Nick had never been able to hide his feelings. From the moment they first met, Theo saw how much he liked him, and now he saw how much he was hurting him.

“I’m sorry,” he said, wiping away his stupid tears. “We’re not on the same level, and I’m not sure I can get there.”

Nick sat back like Theo’s words a force pushing him into the couch. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you how I felt. My friends warned me.”

Damn. People he didn’t even know were clocking him. “I’m so sorry, Nick. You deserve better.” Nick laughed without humour, and all Theo could do was repeat himself. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “Is this because of Dae?”

“No, of course not.” What did Dae have to do with it?

Nick gave him an incredulous sideways almost-glare. “Don’t say of course not like it’s some ludicrous impossibility. You talk about him all the time, and he happens to be returning next week.”

They were getting off track. “This has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with me. I’m not right for you.”

Nick put his hand on the leg Theo had punched. It still kind of hurt. “If this is a self-confidence issue, we can work through it.” His voice was too soft. Too kind. “I’m the one who decides if you’re right for me, and I say⁠—”

“I kissed your boss.”

His hand retracted from Theo’s leg as if being an asshole was contagious. “Is that where you disappeared to? You went somewhere to make out with Greg?”

“I’m sorry.”

“He’s married, you know.” Jesus. Theo hadn’t noticed a ring. “To a woman.” At least the situation couldn’t get any worse. “And I have chlamydia.”

“What?” Which one was chlamydia? What did he have to do? Feed a cold, starve an STD?

“Okay, that last one was a lie, but you deserved it.” He stood and walked to the door, Theo awkwardly following behind. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I hope for the sake of the men of Toronto that you figure yourself out sooner rather than later.”

Theo didn’t know what to say to that, so he just nodded. How could he explain that there was no figuring himself out? That this was what he did? This was who he was? That this hurt had been inevitable from the start, and he never should’ve allowed himself to get to this point?

Nick stepped outside and turned around in that taking one last look kind of way Theo had only seen in movies.

“So, to recap,” Theo said, “there’s no chlamydia, right?”

Nick gave him a sad, awful version of his smile. “Goodbye, Theo.”

Excruciating

“Ah!” His mom yelled through the computer as the feedback from her phone screeched. “Make it stop!”

“Mom, turn off your phone. Why do you have both open?”

“It rang on my phone, so I answered!”

“Turn your phone off and use the computer.”

“Stop talking! Your voice is drilling into my brain.”

“You always say the nicest things.”

It was fascinating to watch her stab at the phone from both angles, seeing the fury on her face, but also the tip of her finger smashing into the camera. A few expletives later, she was one person again, breathing deeply on Theo’s screen, her glasses crooked.