Page 77 of Septembers

Have you told him?

not yet

i will

hes a decent guy doesn’t deserve this

Why did you do it?

because Im trash

Theo.

dont know

Because it was getting serious and you got scared?

stop analyzing me

Okay.

yeah that might be it

Theo didn’t want to get out of bed. How could he tell an absolutely perfect man that he’d kissed his boss? How could he watch his radiant smile dim? Nick was a kind, smart, sexy man who really liked him. And what did Theo do? Fucked it up. As always.

His phone buzzed with a text from Nick, and he shoved it under his pillow. He couldn’t face the message or the dots he’d never paid attention to. It buzzed again and he groaned as he retrieved it from under his head.

Dae

Do you want to stay with him? Make it work?

dont deserve him

Stop saying stuff like that.

People mess up, Theo.

He might forgive you.

Be honest with him.

The awful part was, Nick probably would forgive him, which made it even worse. Last night, the panic had been unbearable. He stayed by his side, charming his coworkers, being a dutiful boyfriend-type. But with every joke, every shared look or gentle touch, the weight in his stomach expanded until it took over his whole body.

He’d gone out for some air and there was Nick’s boss, smoking a cigarette. He was around mid-forties with greying hair and an expensive suit. Usually, Theo thought smoking was gross, but in that moment, it was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. Nick’s boss offered him one, and Theo followed him to an alley—a goddamn alley, like they were characters in some episodic procedural. They were only talking, but when he checked his phone, a half hour had passed and there were six messages from Nick wondering where he was.

When Theo started to leave, Nick’s boss grabbed his arm and asked him not to go. So he didn’t. He couldn’t remember who started the kissing, but it went on for a while.

Then Theo got into a cab and went home and lay in bed, too guilty to even masturbate his erection away. He managed to send Nick a text saying he left because of an upset stomach. At least that part was true, seeing as he immediately threw up after lying to him.

I dont want him to forgive me

he deserves someone who really likes him

So you don’t really like him?

not as much as I should

which is crazy hes perfect