Page 41 of Rowdy & Kat

“What’s your greatest fear?” Rowdy asked me.

Freezing, I instantly thought of Maria dying. “I used to have anxiety attacks over losing my sister. Our mother’s death felt so surreal. Lora went away in an ambulance and never came back. We didn’t see her body. There was no memorial. For a long time, it felt like she was still alive in the world.”

Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I sighed. “I felt so little attachment to any of our other families. It felt a lot like when you have a new teacher for the school year. You know them and like them, but you never expect them to stay in your life.”

Rowdy hugged me against him. “But Maria is real.”

“Yes, and I feared I’d lose her like Lora lost her twin sister. In her journals, she often talked about how she felt half alive with Lyda gone. I was so afraid that would happen to me. It sounds selfish, but I’d rather be the dead twin than the one left behind.”

“Losing someone I love is also my greatest fear,” Rowdy admitted as he cradled me. “I’ve never suffered any real losses. However, a guy named Joker was my dad’s club president and was like an uncle. Years ago, he got really fucked up in a motorcycle accident. He survived, but if he hadn’t, I think I could have dealt with it. You know because he had lived a long life.”

Nodding, I glued myself to Rowdy and tried to see his world.

“But when Lula was taken by criminals last year, I felt certain she would die. I wasn’t able to rationalize her potential death like I had done with Joker’s. I’m not usually that negative, but I believed my sister was gone forever.”

“I’m so sorry that happened to you and your family.”

“Lula ended up turning that shitty experience into a positive one by nailing things down with Exile. But I’ll never forget the dread I felt when she was missing.”

“And you nearly lost your friends Cher and Stevie.”

Rowdy sighed. “I don’t like to remember how they looked in the hospital. Cher’s head was wrapped up. She seemed so fragile. Though I can be cold as ice when I’m dishing out violence, I’ve got no stomach for my people suffering.”

“Do you worry more because they’re women?”

Rowdy shook his head. “I cried the hardest when Rock was stabbed by a psycho. I couldn’t see past my tears, but I’m fairly certain he cried, too.”

Grinning, I shook my head. “Is that your way of saying we should stop talking about such dark things?”

Rowdy adjusted my body, so I was using his lap as a pillow. “Tell me something embarrassing about yourself.”

Without missing a beat, I admitted, “The police pulled me over when I was stalking a biker.”

“No, share something embarrassing that doesn’t involve my hot body.”

Sighing, I thought back to a cringeworthy memory. “During an elementary school production, I tried to change places with someone to allow me to stand closer to Maria. I ended up tripping and falling half off the stage. Even the teacher laughed.”

“Share the bitch’s name, and I’ll trash her car.”

Grinning at his offer, I insisted, “Now, your turn.”

Rowdy stroked my forehead and smiled. “Back when I bit off that guy’s nose, I was showing off for Rock. He’s always hassling me like a bully. That’s why I spit the nose chunk at him.”

“Was he impressed?”

“He claimed I was a weirdo, but I suspect he was intimidated by my ballsy move to win a fight.”

“Good. Screw his bully shit,” I said, winning a grin from Rowdy.

“What’s the most embarrassing band you secretly love?”

“The Bee Gees. Their song ‘How Can You Mend a Broken Heart’ always makes me cry.”

Rowdy frowned while admitting, “I have no idea what that song is.”

“Don’t put it on,” I warned. “I will cry.”

Looking at his phone, Rowdy considered if hearing the song was worth my tears.