Page 74 of If I Didn’t Have You

“Georgia!” I tugged at her arm, pulling her to a stop. “Don’t you see? It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. This is about me. I’m living my life for the first time, watching as my husband puts on a show for some bimbo that my daughters hang out with! And if I want to laugh at the mess I’ve made of my life or how stupid I sound when I yell at others for daring to curse, then that’s what I’ll do!”

I spun around, facing the street. “Do you hear me? Laugh at me all you want! Mock me for being the idiot who didn’t see it all coming! I don’t care anymore!”

“Clara!”

“This is my life, and I will not stop being who I am just because the town might gossip about me!”

On the corner, Bud roused from his mid-morning nap in the chair outside his shop, glaring over at me. “Some of us are trying to sleep.”

“And you’d be getting even more sleep if you weren’t shagging Bea every night,” I laughed.

Spluttering, Bud got to his feet and scowled at me. “Clara Parker, you’re a menace.”

“Just saying it like it is, Bud. And guess what? You don’t have to hide it. You know, the town is happy for you. They don’t care!”

“O—kay,” Georgia chuckled. “Now that you’ve truly gone and made a spectacle of yourself, how about we get you home?”

Go home.

Yeah, right. I was too riled up, too angry to just go home.

For what? To stew in my anger? To wonder what Ben was doing right now?

The last thing I needed was to be alone. It would drive me insane. I wouldn’t get a thing accomplished. I’d paint an angry portrait that looked like something out of hell, or I’d open my murder mystery and make my husband a victim.

No, going home was definitely not an option right now. What I needed was to calm myself down. To go for a drive and let the Montana breeze drift over my face and cool the inferno building inside me.

I marched to my car and got inside, ignoring how Georgia was shouting at me, pleading with me to get out of the car.

When I didn’t listen, she climbed in the passenger side and faced me like the sane woman she was.

“Now, Clara, I need you to listen to me. This is not a time for anger. This is a time for reflection and prayer.”

“Ha! Where has prayer ever gotten me?”

The gasp that left her lips nearly made me laugh. “Oh, please, Georgia. You know it as well as I do that God has nothing to do with how life turns out.”

“Take that back right now, Clara Parker!”

“Why would God do this to me? Huh? Why would he let Austin poison me, take away my husband, or let yours die!”

Tears brimmed in her eyes at my words. Maybe I was taking things too far, but I was so angry, so frustrated with life. I just needed a change.

I turned down her road, determined to drop her off. “I’m sorry. That was a horrible thing to say. I’m just losing it over here.”

“I know, and trust me, I’ve said it to myself a million times, but I have to believe there’s a bigger plan for me.”

A bigger plan. What exactly would that be? Why would God give me all these wonderful things, only to take them from me?

“Clara, that was my house⁠—”

“I mean, seriously, why would God do this?” I snapped.

“You just—” She twisted in her seat, pointing backward down the street. “I guess we can just make a loop and come back around.”

“After all I have done for this family, is this punishment?” I asked, taking a turn, going in the opposite direction of her street. “Was I not a good enough mother?”

“You were a great mother, but you’re a terrible driver. My house is back⁠—”