Page 47 of If I Didn’t Have You

“Not this again,” I sighed. “How long are you gonna harp about this? The government screwed you over, but it was just a job.”

“It was my life!” he snapped. “They took my career and ruined it. They called me a rapist! If you think for even one second that losing the cattle is anything like having your reputation ruined and your life turned upside down, you’re living under a rock. That sentence followed me everywhere I went. I couldn’t apply for a job without people wondering what the hell I had done to get a dishonorable discharge.”

He huffed out a sarcastic laugh, shaking his head at me. “Yeah, you lost the cattle, but you still have everything to rebuild. You could make this place so much more than it was if only you’d pull your head out of your ass for five minutes and see all the people who are willing to help you.”

The last thing I needed was to be talked down to by my own son. I was done with this little get together. I was done watching my wife flirt with other men. But most of all, I was finished with my children pretending they knew how I should handle what had happened.

Swallowing the last of my whiskey, I set the glass down with a thunk and got to my feet. “Well, I guess you have all the answers, don’t you, son.”

“Pop—”

“Guess it’s time to turn over my keys to the ranch.”

“That’s not what I was saying!” He shot to his feet, stepping in front of me as I tried to walk away. “Pop⁠—”

“Get the fuck out of my way,” I growled.

But the kid never did know when to back down. I stepped to the side, only for him to follow.

“Mike, don’t fucking push me.”

“Someone’s got to.”

I moved again, and when he stepped in front of me this time, I lost it, swinging hard. Pain shot through my wrist as it connected with his face. Gasps tore through the room, and Blake rushed over to her husband’s side. My other sons were already surrounding me, waiting for me to explode.

And I might have, if I hadn’t seen Clara through the crowd, staring at me in disbelief with tears in her eyes. At that moment, I knew things had gone too far and escalated out of control. I had never seen my wife look at me the way she was right now, and as I stormed out of the house, I knew nothing would ever be the same again.

Sitting by the river, I stared at the falls in the moonlight, watching as the water spilled over the rocks and splashed in the pool below. There was a time Clara and I used to sneak over here for a midnight swim. That was before we had kids, when we were still kids ourselves.

How had life become so twisted?

I had never once hit my children or even raised a hand to them. The boys and I had had our fights over the years, but never once had I considered violence. And it happened in front of not only my wife, but guests. That would be something for the town to chew on over the next few days. There was no way in hell that I’d escape the scrutiny of every single person within a twenty mile radius.

And I only had myself to blame.

In the distance, Liam’s truck bounced over the dirt drive as he headed home for the night. No doubt, he was having words with Bailey right now about what had happened. The last thing I wanted was to be anywhere near Liam’s house when he parked.

If I was, I’d get a lecture, if not a fist to the face, and even though I deserved it, I didn’t want my son to have the same regrets as I did.

So, I got off my ass and guided Susie away from the river, toward home. Even in the dark, she startled at everything, and it wasn’t until Liam’s truck was long past us that she even considered letting me ride her.

She really was a terrible horse, but Jeff loved her, and despite my grumpy demeanor, I even had a soft spot for her.

“There we go, girl. Almost home,” I said, patting her withers as we trotted toward the barn.

My eyes slid over the landscape until they reached the house where the last of the company was just leaving. I couldn’t see much, but I could imagine Clara on the porch, waving to everyone, wondering where the hell I was.

Was she worried about me? Pissed? Would she make me sleep on the couch tonight?

So many questions ran through my head as I brought Susie to her stall after getting her untacked. Giving her an apple, I gave her a good rubdown, dreading returning to the house, knowing anger was all that would find me tonight.

Finally, after fifteen minutes had passed, I worked up the courage to go home and face the music. If I was lucky, I’d get the cold shoulder. If she was really pissed, I’d be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future and eating dinner out of a can.

I really hoped it wouldn’t be the latter, but at this point, I knew there wasn’t much hope.

Stomping up the steps, I kicked off the dirt from my boots—something Clara always nagged me about— and stepped inside to a quiet house.

I’d expected to hear banging around in the kitchen and the scrubbing of pots and pans, but when I peered around the corner, there wasn’t a dish on the counter. The food was all put away and the table was set as it usually was for the morning.