Page 18 of If I Didn’t Have You

I stared at my plate of food and sighed. “I really hope you’re coming to clean up the mess since your husband is too incompetent to do it!”

But the only response I got was the slamming of the bedroom door. I grudgingly finished my dinner, but the whole time, I kept staring at her food, hating that she left without eating a thing.

Why was I being such an ass? It was only a few months ago that she’d been poisoned and I was doing everything possible to take care of her. Now I was snapping at her and saying shit I didn’t mean.

If there was one thing I was certain of, it was that Clara was the one person holding us all together. She’d worked her ass off over the years, making sure that each of us made appointments, had food in our bellies, and always had everything we needed. Hell, there were times it was like she could read my thoughts, bringing me things before I asked for them.

So, I cleaned up, putting her dinner in a container for the night, before I headed up to bed. The lights were off and there wasn’t a sound aside from the light breeze blowing outside, rattling the wind chimes she loved so much.

I made quick work of getting ready for bed, then slid in beside her, wishing I could roll her over like I used to and kiss her until she made up with me. For a long time, if I made her angry, I’d just kiss her until she finally gave in and kissed me back, taking her anger out on me in other ways.

That hadn’t worked in a long time.

We always made up, but only with words. Her kisses and passion had died over time, along with that need that lingered in her eyes. After a while, we went from passionate kisses to cuddling at bedtime to a quick peck before we turned out the lights and went to sleep.

Sex became a routine, something that happened like clockwork on Saturday mornings. And over time, even that seemed like a chore. When the monotony became too much, I stopped trying, stopped touching her the way I used to, worried I would be met with irritation instead of passion.

Now, it had been at least a year since we last touched each other.

The bond between us was fading, and what should be the best time of our lives was becoming more of a challenge than an adventure. It was slowly killing me to see the woman I loved so much pulling away, refusing my touch. Any other night, I would just roll over and go to sleep.

But tonight, I couldn’t just let this go.

“We always said we’d never go to bed angry with each other,” I said quietly.

She didn’t say anything, but she did roll over and stare at the ceiling.

“I didn’t mean what I said. Hell,” I sighed, “You know that none of us would have survived all these years without you. You have to know that.”

I watched in the darkness, waiting for an answer, and when she finally gave one, I knew this argument was far from over.

“Maybe it’s not enough anymore.”

“What’s not enough?”

And when she didn’t answer, I found myself lying awake, wondering how the hell I was going to make this better before everything fell apart.

My breakfast was waiting on the table, but she was nowhere in sight. I stalked through the house, determined to make things right with her, but even when I looked in her new room, she wasn’t anywhere to be found.

Heading out to the stables, I snagged Jeff just as he was about to leave. “Have you seen your mother?”

Snorting, he shook his head. “I’m staying away from you two after yesterday.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve never seen Ma so worked up over something. I mean, sure, she used to rail on us as kids, but with you?” He shook his head, walking toward the truck. “I think you need to apologize.”

Fury rushed through me before I remembered the whole point of finding her was so that I could say I was sorry. “I’m working on it.”

“See if she went to Lily’s house.”

“Lily? Why would she be over there?”

“Geez, Pop, do you not pay attention at all?”

Apparently not, because I had no fucking clue what he was talking about.

“Ever since Lily moved into the cabin on the old Callahan property, Ma’s been going over there to make sure she’s okay. You know something happened to her, right?”