Page 229 of Scales ’N’ Spells: Volume Two

And then the dark suspicion he wasn’t enough for Nikki raised its head. Despite Nikki’s reassurances, maybe the reason Nikki felt the constant urge to escape was because they didn’t feel they were Gunter’s mate. If staying in Burkhard meant being reminded of the Jaeggi over and over, wouldn’t the logical choice be to leave? Nikki could escape over into the Americas and likely not have this problem. They could live a full, free life and never have to think of the Jaeggi again.

Gunter really hated his logical brain sometimes, but it was a real fear he couldn’t dismiss. He’d never said ‘I love you’ to his mage. He’d never once said they were mates. He’d been trying to give Nikki time. But had he given them too much time? Or not said enough?

He stood in the doorway, thinking it all through. It had been five minutes. It had been five eons. The time really didn’t matter. But he finally came to a conclusion and went for his desk drawer, yanking out the passport that had arrived for Nikki.

One more time, he’d give Nikki all the power, all the options.

And whatever Nikki decided, he’d abide.

Gunter tried the courtyard first, hoping to find them there, as it would mean Nikki was still in the castle. But he’d barely put a foot in it when he saw the garage door open, the little red car missing. Shit. Would Gunter need to chase after them? Although where Nikki would even go was a question. They weren’t perfectly comfortable driving yet, and the road up here had a lot of twists and turns.

Panic beat a live drum in his chest. Gunter was all set to sprint for his car when he realized the front gate was open, too. And from this angle, he could just see the back bumper of Nikki’s red car.

Thank god. At least they were still here.

Gunter ran that direction, moving quickly. The engine was off, at least, although what Nikki’s plan was, who knew. Gunter had never met a more unpredictable person in his life.

Rounding the side, Gunter called out hoarsely, “Nikki.”

Nikki’s head came up and around, their eyes widening as they took in Gunter. Immediately, they opened the door, but their expression was worried. Their entire body language looked tight and unhappy.

Gunter’s gut clenched in dread. He felt, pessimistically, as if his worst fears were about to be realized.

Before Nikki could get a word out, Gunter offered them the passport.

A slender hand took it, their eyes searching Gunter’s with no comprehension. “Why are you handing me this?”

“Nikki, if you need to go, you can go.” Gunter felt like he was choking on his own words, but they had to be said. “I know that being here, being faced with the Jaeggi on a continual basis, is hard for you. If you need to leave, you can.”

Nikki’s eyes grew round, mouth dropping for a moment. Then they looked at the passport in their hand as if not recognizing their own limb. “Do you want me to go?”

“No.” Gunter had never felt closer to tears in his life. Not since the destruction of his clan. He was terrified he was saying this all wrong. But Gunter only had the truth to offer. “No, I don’t want you to go. I love you. You’re my mate. I don’t know if you realize that. I want you to stay, but I keep finding you out here, like you want to leave⁠—”

Nikki launched themself out of the car, catching Gunter around the neck and holding on tightly. “I’m not leaving. I love you. I’m not leaving.”

Gunter latched on, shuddering in relief. He buried his head in Nikki’s neck and breathed. It felt like the first time in ages he could take a full breath. Thank god. Thank anything anyone cared to name. He’d been praying for this answer. He’d dreaded he’d never hear it.

Nikki pressed several kisses to his forehead, cheeks, and one to Gunter’s mouth, their hands framing his face. There was a smile on Nikki’s face, one tempered with amusement. “You idiot. I knew you were my mate the first time we met on the battlefield.”

The events of the past several weeks spun in a lazy circle and then settled to form a rather different looking picture. Gunter was floored enough by those words he almost staggered in place. What, really?! “Is that why you stuck so stubbornly by me?”

“Of course. I didn’t really understand the feeling then, not at first. I just knew I wanted you, and I liked being with you. I felt very strongly you were the person I should be next to. But I’ve never been in any doubt you’re my mate, Gunter.”

If the wave of relief got any stronger, Gunter would turn into a puddle of it. Right here. He kissed his precious mage, relishing this moment. He’d spent five hundred years waiting for it, and it wasn’t at all what he envisioned, but Gunter finally had his mate in his arms. And he couldn’t complain.

“I love you,” Nikki told him firmly. They glanced back at the car, grimacing. “And I’m apparently scaring you really badly with this habit of mine. I promise you, sweetheart, I’m not trying to leave you. There’s nothing in heaven, hell, or on earth that can force me to leave you. That is absolutely not why I’m out here. I just have to know I can leave.”

“You’ve said this before. But I’m seeing a pattern develop here, Nikki, and it’s not a healthy one. Every time you encounter something that brings up bad memories, you feel the urge to escape. I don’t know if simply giving this time will help you. And…can I be perfectly honest?”

“I expect you to be.”

“This does scare me. It terrifies me. Part of me still fears you choosing not to stay, even though you’ve been adamant about staying with me. But the Jaeggi are constantly attacking us. The fear and anxiety they bring might drive you out. You’re strongly sure it won’t happen, and I believe you, intellectually. But my heart goes into palpitations when I don’t know where you are. I don’t know if I can handle multiple repetitions of this event without my heart failing. Because I don’t know if it’s just you needing a minute outside, or if the Jaeggi have gotten their hands on you again. And I can’t rest easy until I’ve laid eyes on you, made sure you’re safe.”

Nikki’s expression twisted. “I knew it bothered you. I didn’t think of it from that angle. Sorry, Gunter, truly.”

Gunter kissed them, softly. Because he couldn’t say it was alright—it wasn’t—but he wanted Nikki to know he wasn’t angry with them.

“Tori and I talked of me maybe seeing his therapist. I’ve thought it over…and I think it’s a good idea. I don’t know how to untangle myself. There’s a lot I want to work through.”