Page 44 of On The Edge

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She lay on the sand with her mother in the warm breeze. Her mum opened the palm of her hand to Cat. "White heather, these are lucky, baby." She put the weeds into Cat’s little hands. "May you always have luck, my wee Catherine.” Distant shouts sounded behind them, as a figure waved, calling them….

A loud thud on the back door woke Cat from a deep sleep. She woke to find that she must have passed out on the sofa, surrounded by photos. She had smoked an alarming number of cigarettes too, after resorting to her hidden emergency stash. The room was dark, with shards of white light piercing through the gap between the curtains.

“Are you in there?” came Jess’s voice from outside.

“Yes!” Cat croaked, and summoned herself from the sofa. Tripping up on various objects sprawled across the floor, she made her way slowly to the door. She opened it to find Jess looking fresh faced but with a concerned countenance. Her hair was tied back in a tight bun and she appeared to be wearing a wetsuit with a baggy jumper over the top.

“I called, I texted, why didn’t you answer?” Jess barged through the door and saw the mess strewn across the floor – photographs, tissues, bottles of wine and cigarette butts.

“What’s going on?” She looked around and then back to Cat. “Are you OK?” She squeezed Cat’s shoulder, which made the tears start once again.

“I don’t know why I’m feeling like this,” she blurted out with a shaky voice. Jess stroked Cat’s hair, then gave her a long hug to let her friend cry some more on her shoulder. “I mean it’s just my friend going back home, why do I feel this awful?” She blew her nose with a tissue that Jess quietly gave her.

“Look, I can’t imagine how you feel. Your mum passed away and left you on your own; it’s something that will always be there deep inside. These things come to the surface when we least expect it and it’s important to grieve, let it out. Don’t lock it away.” They both sat down on the sofa and Jess stroked Cat’s hair again and spoke in soothing tones: “But you’re not alone, I’m here.” Jess let Cat blow her nose again and they both sat in the quiet for some moments. “I have come here to rope you into something too, so you go upstairs and wash your face.”

“I hope it’s nothing to do with that wetsuit you’re wearing...?” Cat smiled and looked her friend straight in the eye.

“Never mind that just now, I’ll make you a quick cup of tea”.

Cat did as she was told, and felt a lot more herself once she had washed her face and changed her clothes. Upon her return downstairs, the living room area was cleaned from all the mess, and the curtains pulled back to bright midday light outside. Jess had a cup of tea waiting for her on the coffee table, and was busy lighting the fire.

“Thank you, you didn’t need to do all this.” Cat took in the clean surfaces and smelled the forest air freshener she had bought from the local shop.

“Don’t sweat it, lovely!” Jess had managed to get the flames to a satisfactory level, and she put a small log on top of the pile to keep the fire going.

“How’s the tea?” Jess said with a gleeful smile.

“It’s good,” Cat commented after she gulped down most of it. “What are you up to?” She looked at her friend with suspicion.

“Well as you can see, I am wearing a wet suit!” Jess spread out her hands and turned around like a model from a 1950s photo-shoot.

“Yeah…” Cat did not like where this conversation was going. Her friend merrily skipped to the kitchen where she pulled out another wetsuit.

“I thought a swim would be a great idea!”

“Oh no!” Cat protested, “I’ll get hypothermia!”

“No you won't!”

Cat tried to think of reasons not to.

“The sea is just out there, we’re metres away from it, plus I have a fire on, see!” She pointed to the flames in the grate with a playful smile.

Cat resigned herself, her heart sinking. “Oh... ok!” She knew her friend would get her in the water one way or another, and she felt too feeble to protest much today. “How do you have two wetsuits anyway?”

“Oh, I know a guy at the diving centre in Stromness,” Jess winked, and handed over the wetsuit.

“Of course you do!” Cat grabbed the wetsuit and went upstairs to change.

In a chorus of yelps and screams, the girls ran out of the house in the direction of the water. It was a cold but sunny day with blue skies overhead. Cat had never really been in water like this before. She recalled her mum took her to the beach once near Loch Lomond, but that was a loch…not the ocean. She walked carefully across the stony beach and dipped her toe cautiously into the edge of the water.

“It’s freezing!” Cat moaned, as she saw Jess already wadding through the water and easing her whole body under it.

“Come on, wimp!” Jess laughed which spurred Cat on, grumpily. Cat hated to admit it but she did have a slight competitive streak.

Stepping from stone to stone, the water gradually got higher and higher until Cat lunged into the dark liquid hoping to god there were no sharks in the Orkneys. The cold spread all over her body like very tiny knives.

“Holy shit!” Cat yelled, to hear a chorus of giggles erupt nearby.

“Ye better harden up lassie, ye aint a townie no more!” Jess called out in a thick Scots language.

It took a few minutes but the coldness subsided, and Cat found herself gliding through the crisp water. Swimming came naturally for her, her teenage years spent in the enormous local swimming pool prepared her for this, although being in the sea was much more intense. She flipped onto her back and looked up to the blue skies where a low flying flock of geese passed by, squawking noisily.

The two girls emerged from the sea and ran into the house giggling. They both quickly showered and settled themselves beside the crackling fire with two large hot chocolates.

“Thank you.” Cat looked over to Jess who was wrapped up to the chin in a tartan blanket.

“For what?”

“You know.” Cat smiled and felt content staring into the crackling flames.