Page 51 of Miss Bingley’s Return

“Lizzy is modest,” said Jane, a teasing glint in her eye that always delighted Elizabeth because of its rarity. “She claims I am the prettiest of my sisters, yet she has had a proposal where I have not.”

“The story is also unknown to me,” said Mr. Darcy. “As I recall, you referenced something about being married already if you preferred another man—I seem to recollect Mr. Collins’s name arising in that conversation.”

“An obtuse man, Mr. Darcy,” corrected Elizabeth, recalling the conversation well. “If I wished to be married to an obtuse man, I might be already married.”

Mr. Harrington chortled while Jane looked on with interest. Even Mr. Darcy’s curiosity appeared piqued.

“You had best tell them, Lizzy,” said Mrs. Gardiner.

“Yes, you must,” said Mr. Darcy. “If I have a rival for your affections, I must know now.”

“No rival, Mr. Darcy,” replied Elizabeth. “Mr. Collins married Charlotte Lucas, so even if I wished to recant, the possibility no longer exists.”

“Thank heavens for small miracles,” murmured Mr. Darcy.

“Not at all,” replied Elizabeth. “You see, Mr. Harrington, Mr. Collins is my father’s cousin and heir.”

Darcy waited for Miss Elizabeth’s explanation, knowing she was dragging it out for her enjoyment. Though Darcy had not considered it at the time, Collins’s behavior had been distinct as that of a suitor, though as inept as any man in Lady Catherine’s employ. Though Darcy did not recall, if he were to guess, so long after the event, he must suppose that his attention had been too fully engaged by Miss Bennet, and his certainty that Miss Elizabeth could never accept Mr. Collins too absolute, for him to give the parson much consideration.

“Ah, yes,” replied Harrington, “I recall Darcy mentioned something of a relation. The parson attached to his aunt, was he not?”

“You spoke of Mr. Collins?” asked Miss Elizabeth.

“Only in a general sense,” replied Darcy.

“In response to my question,” said Harrington. “I wished to understand the lay of the land.”

“Oh, yes, Mr. Harrington,” said Mrs. Gardiner, her features alight with mischief. “We understand your meaning quite well. Now, perhaps Lizzy should explain.”

Miss Elizabeth shook her head, some remembered exasperation. “I was never certain if Lady Catherine directed Mr. Collins to marry one of his cousin’s daughters, but he came to Hertfordshire for that purpose. Before that, he was unknown to us because of a longstanding disagreement between his father and mine.”

“Lady Catherine has long spoken of the need for young men to marry,” said Darcy. “It may have been nothing more than a chance comment coupled with the knowledge of your father’s five daughters.”

“Mr. Collins mentioned that himself,” agreed Miss Elizabeth. “Since Jane was, at the time, enjoying Mr. Bingley’s company, I, as the next eldest, was elected the fortunate recipient of Mr. Collins’s compliments.”

“That is quite droll, Miss Elizabeth,” said Mr. Harrington. “Tell me, was the vote conducted in secret?”

“It was quite secretive, Mr. Harrington,” said Miss Elizabeth, her enjoyment in the tale evident in her shining eyes. “As I recall, it was unanimous, though as the only person voting was my mother, that is to be expected.”

“And you made this Mr. Collins’s acquaintance?” asked Harrington.

“That is perhaps beyond the mark,” said Darcy, finding as much enjoyment in the tale as Miss Elizabeth. “Collins approached me during a ball Bingley hosted, but he did not ask for an introduction. He was, however, pleased to tell me that my aunt and cousin were in the best of health when he departed Kent.”

“That is admirable,” said Harrington, shaking his head in wonder. “I have heard stories of your aunt, but I never expected her to be this ridiculous.”

“Trust me, Harrington—you have no notion.”

“The day after the ball,” continued Miss Elizabeth, “Mr. Collins approached my mother, and after receiving her consent, he laid his heart—if that is what you want to call it—before my feet. I will note that our acquaintance was a matter of nine days.”

Miss Elizabeth shook her head at the memory, her previous exasperation now mixed with diversion. “He proceeded to state his reasons for marrying: that he thought it right for every parson to set the example of matrimony, that he thought it would increase his happiness, and, though he should have mentioned it first, that it was the express wish of his great patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh.”

By this time the entire company was in stitches, even Miss Bennet, to whom Miss Elizabeth had already related the particulars in full, or so Darcy supposed. For his part, Darcy regarded her with wonder, her brightened eyes and grinning face ever more appealing as she related this mortifying experience. Had Darcy considered matters more carefully, he might have spared her all of it.

“That sounds like a faithful portrayal of your aunt, Darcy!” exclaimed Harrington.

“It is but a trifle,” said Darcy.

“Now we come to the point,” said Miss Elizabeth. “When I informed Mr. Collins that I would not accept him, he did not believe me. Instead, he suggested I was trying to increase his imaginary love by suspense, and when I persisted, he said, with absolute confidence, I might add, that I must accept him because it was unlikely I should ever receive another offer of marriage.