Page 4 of Smoke

My breath hitches. It’s him. There’s no fucking doubt. When he catches me staring through the window, his whole body tenses.

We lock eyes and it feels like my heart’s about to cave in. He can crush me with just one look. Always. Since we were kids. And he knows it. He knows every thought and every emotion I have before I even know I’m having it.

I leave the bar and walk over to where he’s parked, ignoring the rapid rise of my heartbeat. I try to push it down as he looks at me like he’s seeing into my fucking soul. I beg my cheeks to cool, to stop flushing. Please.

“How long have you been in town?” I ask breathlessly. I’m annoyed with myself for being so winded.

“We just got in last night. This all yours?” He points his finger toward the bar. With his sleeves rolled up, I can see three of the many tattoos I watched him get. Every piece, a different memory that shatters me.

I nod. “Yeah, you want a drink?”

“Not right now. I’ll be back later tonight. We have a lot to talk about, Cherry. But I need to take care of some other shit first.” He lights a cigarette and leans back against the driver’s side of his black muscle car.

Straight to the point as usual. “I live above the bar, so I’ll be here all night… It’s been eight years, Hawk. No one’s seen or heard from you. Where the fuck have you been?” I’m trying desperately not to let him see me shake, but I’m seething.

He gives me that familiar look of disbelief. Hawk never trusted anyone or anything, including me. Especially me. Looks like that still rings true. “We’ll get into it later. You’ve done well for yourself, Cherry. You still going to your daddy’s sermons?”

I hate the way he dismisses me. Even after all this time, it still gets under my skin. “Nah. It’s better for both of us if I don’t show my face there. The Lord has enough sinners in his house. He doesn’t need one who can’t be redeemed.” I clench the bar rag in my fist like it’s one of those stress balls, grateful that I held onto it before strolling out here.

Hawk gapes at me, a flicker of remembrance in his eyes. He stubs his cigarette out on the pavement before stuffing the butt into the pocket of his jeans. He points toward the bar again. “Be here when I get back, Cherry. If I have to track you down later…”

“I told you I’ll be here. Is my word not good enough for you anymore?” I snap. I fucking hate it when he gets like this.

He sighs. “Keep the kitchen open for us. Omen and Scarrow will be hungry.” Another dismissal.

I snicker. “Excuse me? You don’t get to boss me around. I’m not a kid anymore, Hawk.”

He glares at me again before hopping back into his car. “I know it’s been a while, so let me remind you. You fucking owe me. And you know what happens to those who fail to pay their debts to us. So bite that pretty tongue of yours and play nice, little sis. I’m back, and I’m not going anywhere for a while.”

My stomach flips. “I can pay you now, Hawk. I’m not rich, but I have some money saved. Just name your price so we can squash this.”

He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “As I told you then, I don’t want your money. I want your loyalty, your obedience, and your fucking submission. The way I see it, you owe me your freedom. Which means I own you. But then you always knew that, didn’t you, Cherry?”

My heart feels like it’s going to bottom out. A memory flashes in my mind. I’m touching myself in the mirror while he watches. While he tells me where to put my fingers next. “We can work this out, Hawk. Just be reasonable. Please.”

He shakes his head. “Oh, we’re gonna work this out all right.”

I nearly choke on his exhaust when he starts the engine. Part of me wants to run away. To close up the bar and make myself scarce for a while. But I know him better than anyone. Even better than he knows himself. He won’t stop until he finds me.

That’s why I’ve never bothered to run before. I’ve just been here like a sitting duck waiting for him. And now that he’s back, I regret that decision. I should’ve at least tried to start over. Like Roxy did. She met a man who adores her, and they made a nice life together in Lavender Heights.

Sometimes I wish I had someone looking out for me like Roxy does. The way Hawk used to. But then I remember that a love like that isn’t in the cards for me…

Hawk is harder, colder, than he was before. But I’m not that wild girl he grew up with. I’m still unhinged, but these past eight years have taught me a lot about patience and humility. I have more to lose now than I ever did back then.

I know I owe him for more than just that night at the murder house. But he owes me too. For making me feel like this every time he comes around. For turning me into that desperate pick me girl that he loves to push around.

I flip him off with both hands before he drives off. He rolls down the window and returns the gesture before peeling out of the parking lot.

“Asshole,” I mutter under my breath.

“Hey, Cherry, can we get another round while we’re still young?” Hal calls out.

“I’m coming. Hold your horses, or I’ll call your wife and tell her you’re here instead of at bingo,” I yell back. That shuts him up. He still grumbles as he shuffles back inside though.

I take a deep breath and try to gather myself before heading back in. Fuck, this is going to be a long fucking night. It’s going to take everything I have to put on a happy face for the next eight hours. With each second, the anxiety grows like a pit in my stomach.

I’d be lying to myself if I thought Hawk was going to forget about my debt to him. A girl can dream. But I even stopped looking over my shoulder after that second year went by with no sign of him.