Page 93 of Bound

Finally, Isobel lifts her chin. “I didn’t think it mattered if I ever told you. But now it feels like I should give you the last secret I kept from you.”

My body freezes in place. I have no idea what she could say.

“The pregnancy,” she says in a breathy rush. “It was not what I told you it was.”

The room stops breathing. Erin doesn’t move. I can’t feel my own heartbeat.

“It was no surprise.” Isobel continues because if she stops, she may never start again. “Months before I told you I was pregnant, I stopped taking birth control on purpose.”

My voice is so low I don’t recognize it. “You did what?”

Her eyes fill. “Then we lost the baby, so what did it matter anyway? Now, I see my lies create decades of consequences.”

I feel like someone has reached inside my chest and closed a fist around my heart. “Having a child is not something you toy with. And having a child with someone isn’t a decision you make alone.”

Erin’s hands are on my shoulders. To calm me. “Why?” I ask. “Why would you do something like that?”

Isobel’s tears spill. “Because you were leaving me.”

“What?”

My mind is a fog with old pain swirling around my thoughts, my memories, the past. I stare at her. “A child is not something you use as a weapon. Or a trap.”

“Let her finish,” Erin whispers.

“No. You don’t get it.” She shakes her head. “Carlos had already started telling me what you were becoming. That you would leave and join your family. And that there was no way they would ever accept me.”

“Why?”

It’s the only word I can find.

“I was scared, and vain, and desperate to still matter to you.” Her hands twist together. “So I told you I might be pregnant. I wanted you to stop. To look at me. To choose me.”

I want to feel rage. That would be easy. Instead, I feel grief.

All the pain in my past that I carried. The walls I built around me. All the pain I’ve put Erin through because of those walls.

All built on the lies of others.

My voice is barely audible. “I don’t understand how you could do that.”

“It’s in the past,” Erin whispers.

“No.” She swallows. “It’s still here.” The room is so quiet I can hear the fire settling. “And that’s why, for the fire, the baby, everything…” Isobel looks at me, looks at Erin. “I need you to know. And I need to say, I’m sorry.”

I stare at her for a long time.

“I loved you,” she whispers. “In a way that served me.” She looks at Erin. “But she loves you in the way you deserve.”

Erin grabs my hand.

“Don’t let what I did to you…let you ruin her.”

Then I turn to Erin. And I hold her in my arms. She looks up at me with every ounce of love and trust she’s given me, which I’ve done nothing to deserve.

I want to kiss her, but the moment is too raw for that.

I make her a promise instead: “I won’t.”