Page 18 of Theta

"Why?"

"Maybe you don't know what it's like for me, between us."

"Not like that."

“Like what?"

"Story, c'mon."

"Killy, you c'mon."

"I fucking—" I let out a ragged sigh. "You…affect me. You always have."

"Affect you how?"

"You're really gonna drag it out of me word by word?"

"If you make me."

"Why do you want to know?"

"Why won't you just say what you're thinking or feeling?"

"Because rejection sucks!" I hiss. "After Helena dumped me, I…just…everyone I talked to, everyone I'm interested in…" I trail off, knowing I'm not making any sense. Or at least, not finishing any of my statements. "You're one of my best friends, Story. I care about you. I care about our friendship. And beyond that, this situation is not exactly conducive to…" I stop, laughing. "To anything of that sort," I finish, uncomfortably aware of how lame and dumb I sound.

If I had just a fraction of Cal's confidence…but I don't. Not with Story, at least. I'm always off-balance around her. I'm always hyperaware of where she is in relation to me, how close she is. Any time she's ever touched me, even just to hold onto my shoulder for balance while fixing her shoe, I'm left tingling and stupid.

Tongue-tied. Awkward. Clumsy.

Stupid.

So, so, so stupid.

Both of her hands rest flat on my chest. "Killian?"

"What?"

"What if it is like that for me?"

My heart thumps loudly enough that she has to be able to hear it. "Story, don't play."

"I wouldn't do that, Killian." My full name—it's serious.

I can't breathe, can't swallow, can't move. Her body pins me to the wall, though she's barely touching me. I'm still cupping her jaw. I trace her lips with my thumb, gently, slowly, hesitantly. "Fuck, Story. This shit is life or death. Please don't fuck with my head right now."

"I'm not." She covers my hand with hers. "I'm telling you it is like that."

"Like what?"

"You're gonna make me say it? What if I'm just as scared as you are?"

"This is the most confusing conversation of my life."

She laughs. "Because we're both being stupid." She's closer, suddenly, her breath on my chin, fingers dimpling my pecs.

"I've had a monster crush on you since we were kids," I say, the truth toppling out of me unbidden. "Being near you and not being able to touch you is fucking torture."

Silence greets this.