Page 37 of Darkest Obsession

“We can’t… kiss.”

“You’re right.”

Not to mention I’m a sick pervert. I touched her. I could have hurt her. I help other men hurt her. I shouldn’t kiss her.

“What’s wrong with you today?” Clover says.

She won’t stop pushing me.

“Nothing.”

She knows I’m lying and I hate that I’m lying to her. I don’t even know why. I could confess to her, but the words on the tip of my tongue won’t come. I push my hair behind my ears. Words are hard. Especially with girls. Especially with girls I hate, apparently. Clover says we hate each other. I’ve done vile fucking things to her. I suppose I do hate her.

I still want to kiss her. I still want to take her to bed. I just can’t.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Sylvia hasn’t told you?”

It’s not that I don’t trust Sylvia, but I have a sister. I know they tell their best friends everything.

“Told me what? I don’t talk to Sylvia about you.”

I ignore the disgust in her voice. I don’t know what compels me to tell any of this to Clover Robinson. There’s nothing about her specifically that says I should trust her. I watch her plenty, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean I can trust her. There are days when I truly think you can’t trust anyone. I look at my mum and dad and well… there must have been trust there at one point. It’s just too dangerous to throw it all on one person.

“I’m dealing with some shit.”

She scoffs. “What shit could you possibly be dealing with?”

Judging from her tone, she’s been party to the typical boarding college rumors about the family — that we own more property than anyone in England, that dad was so rich we didn’t grow up wiping our own arses, that our mansions are disgustingly decadent, that we have too many fancy dogs and dad bought his sons too many cars.

Just because we have the class to keep our problems to ourselves doesn’t mean we don’t have any problems. I stick my hands in my pockets, using my index finger to chip at the black nail polish on my thumbs. Fucking hell, why does she have the most intense eyes I’ve ever come across?

“Something from my past.”

“You won’t ever win awards for communication. We should… we should probably do the rest of this project via email. I’m going to go.”

“Wait. Don’t.”

Clover stops walking towards her things, but she gives me a puzzled look. Fuck. Did I frighten her off by kissing her? I certainly didn’t win her over considering she just said she hated me. She would hate me even more if she knew how close I’ve come to hurting her.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want you to go.”

She smiles at me. For one fucking moment, Clover Robinson smiles at me. Then she shakes her head.

“You crazy, Thomas. I’ll finish the project. Just… don’t freak out about your past.”

“It’s not just that. Someone’s blackmailing me. I think.”

I sound so stupid saying it out loud. Why am I telling her this?

“Blackmail? What did you do that’s so dirty?”

She’s half-joking, because Clover is nearly always half joking.

“Nothing.”