Page 140 of Tell Me Something

“I guess I’d better go, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Kissing me with tenderness, he reluctantly got off the bed, dressed quickly, grabbed the cup, and left.

“HI, BEAUTIFUL.” His voice felt like a soft caress in my ear. Opening my eyes, I saw Josh kneeling in front of me. I looked at my watch and realized two hours had passed since he’d left. I had taken a shower and then must’ve fallen asleep on his couch.

Stretching, I moved over, allowing him to wedge between me and the back of the sofa. His arms came tightly around me and squeezed.

“I’ll find a way to make it up to you,” he sighed into my hair.

I turned around to search his face. “How did you get the results so quickly?”

“My doctor was able to see some sperm in the sample under the microscope. He’ll send it out for more specific results, like the count, but he said it was pretty obvious that there were some.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, thank God that’s over.”

Stroking my face, he commented, “We have a lot of things to talk about.”

“First I need to get out of the initial trimester. Until thirteen weeks, the miscarriage rate is, like, fifty percent with first-time pregnancies.”

“What?” He looked immediately concerned.

“It’s nothing that can be prevented in most cases. That’s why most people don’t tell others they’re expecting until after the first trimester.”

“Jesus, that’s depressing. I had thought we’d tell my mom this weekend over Thanksgiving. That is, if you’ll still come. Or we could stay here for the weekend or go to the islands. Whatever sounds best for you.”

The fact that he was anxious to share the baby news with his mom made me happy. But he sounded so nervous that I wouldn’t want to visit his family. “As long as you’re there, I don’t care where we go.”

Pleasure filled his eyes, and he gave me a sweet kiss. “Right back at you.”

“I’ll be at thirteen weeks closer to Christmas. We could tell her then.”

“Okay, yeah. So you’ll be able to finish out the year at Yale?”

“Yes. I suppose I’m lucky with the timing. I’m due the first week of June, and classes will be over the last week of May. I’ll have the summer for maternity leave.”

“I’m assuming you want to stay at Yale next year?”

“I guess that’s up for discussion. I could transfer to Columbia as I don’t want to keep you from seeing the baby every day. That is, assuming you’d want to. We should talk about how much you want to be involved.”

“Of course I want to be involved, Haylee. I’m fully invested. I mean, we’ll get married, and the more I think about it, maybe New Haven would be a better place to have a baby. We can walk to parks and drive places. I don’t like the idea of raising a baby here in a penthouse in Manhattan. I know people do it all the time, but New Haven feels more like family, at least until you’re out of school.”

I had stopped listening after the word married. “Josh, wait a second. Back up. We’re not getting married.”

Looking at me funny, he sounded incredulous, “Of course we’re getting married. We’re expecting a baby.”

“A lot of people have babies without being married. Plus, you always said that you would never get married again.”

“I said a lot of things that I’d like to take back. I want us to be a family.”

The thought of living happily ever after as a family paralyzed me with a fear that was greater than any I’d felt before. The stakes had never been higher as I’d never wanted something so much. But I was so nervous about the health of the baby. In an effort to share my fears, I decided to come clean with Josh.

I took a deep breath. “I have to be honest and tell you that I’m really worried about the baby. I lost twelve pounds and took some sleeping pills during the first six weeks because I didn’t know I was pregnant. I fainted and was dehydrated. I didn’t take care of myself, and I feel just sick about it.”

He caressed my face and kissed me softly. “Haylee, you had no clue. And I share in that responsibility by thinking I couldn’t get you pregnant and not being there for you.”

“So you see, talking marriage is a moot point until we get past the first trimester. After that, we can talk about the future.”

He stared at me for what seemed an eternity. “All right.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX