Page 91 of Miss Typed

“You wouldn’t be.” I’d had no idea my offering to stay behind had affected him this much. Inadvertently, I’d sealed our fate.

“You need to find someone you can marry, have kids with, and settle into suburbian life with. That person isn’t me.”

“And how many kids will I have? I’m curious since I don’t know myself yet if I want to have kids.”

His eyes went wide. “Of course you do. Why wouldn’t you?”

“Oh, I don’t know, how about I spent the entirety of my teenage years raising both of my sisters? I have no regrets about doing so. But I’ve done the diaper changes, the midnight feedings, and the highs and lows of raising two kids. But you’d actually know my feelings on those subjects if you’d asked me instead of simply assuming.”

He sighed. “It doesn’t matter. After I pass my physical tomorrow, I’m accepting a government contractor job.”

My heart sank. “Where?”

“Iraq.”

My hand reached out to the dining table to brace myself, the wind totally out of my sails. The fight vanished from my argument. It didn’t matter if he loved me. He was leaving anyhow. I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Will it make you happy?”

His lips pressed together. “Doubtful, but it’s something I have to do. I’ll be gone for months. Hell, maybe I’ll enjoy it enough to stay there. In a few weeks you’ll be finished with your contract here and able to move and do whatever you want. You have some decisions to make when it comes to your family, but you shouldn’t have anyone holding you back. You’ll find someone else.”

“You didn’t think to tell me about the contractor job before now?”

“I told you I didn’t know what I could offer. Or how long I’d be here. We were dating, Chloe, not in a relationship.”

Perhaps I’d been naïve. “I thought the other day with me coming over, and the shower... When you let me see your leg, I thought we’d moved into something else.”

“You didn’t see my leg. You saw what was left of it. It’s a stump. A useless stump on a man who can no longer do the things he used to.”

Again, we were back to his insecurities. “I’ve never seen it that way. But so long as you’re busy feeling sorry for yourself instead of grateful—”

His face turned red. “Grateful? Grateful for what? Grateful to be discharged from the one thing I was good at? Grateful to have a permanent disability?”

I’d known Aiden struggled, but until now I hadn’t recognized the depth of his self-loathing and the force of his anger over his injury. “There are so many things you could choose to be grateful for, but clearly you’re not there. You’re not even close.”

For the first time, I believed him when he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I hadn’t realized how deep his scars went. How could he ever love someone else so long as he had such contempt for himself?

He raked a hand over his face, seemingly over his tirade as quickly as it had started. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Chloe. And I don’t want you waiting for me.”

It was only because of the way his ex had done so that I didn’t get irritated he’d assume I would. I couldn’t. It would be like banging my head on the wall and expecting it not to hurt every time I did it. “I won’t.”

He closed his eyes. “See? You’re better off.”

“Just so we’re clear. I won’t wait for a man who says he doesn’t love me. I won’t wait, hoping you’ll change your mind. I won’t wait for someone who doesn’t want me as part of his future.”

“I don’t need you to spend your life feeling sorry for me.”

Although it was the toughest thing I’d ever done, I walked towards his door with heavy steps. “I don’t need to feel sorry for you. You do it enough for the both of us. Goodbye, Aiden.”

Chapter Thirty-Six

Aiden

“Go ahead and say it.” I threw these words out to Reid four bourbons and a large pepperoni pizza into our evening. I hadn’t shared much with him after he’d returned to the apartment a couple hours ago, simply telling him Chloe and I had called it quits.

He didn’t bother to pretend not to know what I was talking about. “You’re an idiot. Even without knowing the details, I’m sure it’s your fault.”

Of course it was. “It is my fault. But like you said, love and relationships are overrated.”

He rolled his eyes and then took off his glasses for a moment to clean them on his shirt. “I only said that because I caught my fiancée blowing my brother, not because I actually meant it.”