Page 108 of Miss Understanding

“I’m glad. Um, not to be rude, but what are you doing here? I thought you’d text me once you returned, and we’d agree when and where to meet up.”

I swallowed hard. This was where I put it all on the line and lay myself bare. “I took an early flight. Came to see you at the bar last night. I thought about staying but found out you had plans with Chloe. Also, I didn’t think you’d be too happy to see me.”

“I probably wouldn’t have.”

Despite all my practiced words, all my ways of trying to win her back, the only thing I could say was, “I’ve always tried to accomplish more because I never felt like I was enough.”

Her eyes went wide with my admission. Then, because she knew me, she whispered, “Your father?”

I nodded. “My sister asked me a question. What’s after named partner?”

Kendall scrunched up her nose. “What do you mean what’s after? Isn’t named partner your all-time goal?”

“That’s the thing I’m coming to realize. It would be, until I attain it, still don’t deem it enough, and go for the next goal. It’s been that way my entire life. Undergrad. Law school. Partner. Always trying, with the next level and the next accomplishment or purchase, to prove it’s enough. To prove I’m enough. It never is. It never will be if I stay on the road I’ve been on.”

“If?”

I nodded. “I’m still working on that part. Probably need to see a therapist or something to help me through it. But hopefully, admitting I have a problem is the first step. I’ve always been terrified of failing, but I controlled that fear by putting everything into whatever I did. The law came naturally to me. It was comfortable. Relationships never were, and I was never good at them. I told you I avoided relationships because I didn’t have the time. Didn’t want to threaten my career by gleaning any of my precious work hours. Hell, it’s what I told myself, too, but the truth is I’m terrified. Terrified of letting anyone in. Of failing to be enough for them.”

“You were always enough for me, Liam. You weren’t perfect, but nobody is.”

Hadn’t my sister said the same thing? “I’ve never felt worthy.”

Chapter Fifty-Two

Kendall

My heart broke over his words. It blew my mind to discover someone like Liam could have such deep insecurity. Looking back now, with the advantage of hindsight, I suppose there were clues, yet I’d never picked up on them. He’d always seemed so confident about everything. And I’d believed he simply didn’t want a relationship getting in the way of his career goals.

“You’ve always been worthy, Liam.”

He stood up, walked over and took my hand, pulling me out of my chair and in close to him. Jesus, I’d missed him. Missed the feel of being in his arms.

“I’m working on that part. I promise. I’ve let go of my hate for my father. I’ll have to live with the regret I didn’t give him the chance he’d wanted, but at least I understand better why he left. Why he stayed away. Why my mother chose to forgive him. In the video, he was coming up on his one-year mark of staying sober. He explained he’d decided he had to be one year sober before he’d come home.”

Liam took a deep breath. I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to see a father you hadn’t seen in over twenty years, or how he’d look different through the eyes of an adult. I was happy he’d found closure. Happy he was working on things, but selfishly, I wasn’t sure where that left us.

“Those words I said to you on the phone were all wrong. I made it all about what I thought I was losing instead of what I was gaining. I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, but I want a second chance.”

His hand splayed gently on my belly. “I want this baby. I want you. I prepared this great argument with all of the reasons we should be together, but it sort of went out of my head the minute I saw you. Because all I could think about was how I could breathe easy again. How I need you in my life. How I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I love you.”

He wanted me. He wanted this baby. But I wouldn’t be the reason he lost his dream. “I love you, too. But I don’t want you to give up on becoming named partner. I don’t want to take a chance you might end up resenting me or the baby.”

“I’m not giving up. But I also refuse to accept I can’t have one without the other. So if when I tell them I’m not willing to completely sacrifice my personal life, they don’t want me, then it’s their loss. Because my new goal, the one I absolutely won’t compromise on, is to be a better man, so I can be a better partner to you and a good father to this baby. Please tell me you want to keep him or her.”

Tears tracked down my face. He was already thinking of this baby as a boy or a girl instead of an it. “I’m keeping him or her.”

He crushed me to him, exhaling a shuddered breath. Then, easing up, he pulled back so he could smooth the hair off my face. “Are you going to your parents’ house today?”

“No. I begged off, telling them I had an exam to study for.”

“You haven’t told them yet?”

“No. To be honest, I’m not sure how my dad will react.”

“I’d like to be there with you. We should tell them together.”

“I’m not sure how it’ll go.” I could imagine they’d both be disappointed, to say the least. Would that freak Liam out?