Page 65 of The Girlfriend’s Secret

We are all full.

‘Anyone want any more?’ I ask as I gesture to the sparse selection of food that remains uneaten between us. But the series of groans and stomach pats give me the answer. I guess we’re all done.

‘Why don’t you boys go and find us a movie we can watch?’ Frederik suggests. ‘Your mother and I can tidy up here.’

‘Are we thinking action or comedy?’ Scott asks as he gets up from the table.

‘Comedy, definitely,’ Joel says as he goes to follow.

‘That sounds good to me,’ I say, and I smile as I watch my sons leaving the room.

Despite all the struggles recently, what a lovely evening this is turning out to be. And the night is still young.

‘How about we open another bottle of wine?’ I suggest as Frederik begins carrying the dirty plates to the sink.

‘Sure, why not?’ he replies, and I’m glad it’s not just me who is in the mood for another drink.

As I pull another bottle of white wine from the fridge, I’m expecting Frederik and I to chat wistfully about the exciting future we have as we complete the menial chore of tidying the kitchen. But my husband lets me know that he’s seeking something slightly deeper than that.

‘How are you coping?’ he asks me, causing me to pause before I can unscrew the lid on this latest bottle of wine.

‘What?’

‘With the grief,’ Frederik says as he puts down the dirty plate he was carrying and approaches me. ‘I just wanted to check if you’re all right or if you’re putting on a brave face in front of the boys.’

My husband puts an arm around my shoulder then and I’m touched by his concern. I’d also be lying if I said I wasn’t a little annoyed that this sudden bout of sensitivity has taken the shine off my plan to get drunk and be excited about life tonight.

‘I’m okay,’ I say, making sure to feign some semblance of sadness. ‘I mean, I still have some hard moments, but I am okay, I promise.’

I’m not sure I’ll ever be technically ‘okay’ after murdering my mother, but I am still convinced it was the best thing for my family and that thought will surely ease my guilt gradually over the coming years.

‘Your mother’s passing has hit us all hard, but you especially,’ Frederik goes on annoyingly as he guides me back to the table. ‘Just sit down for a moment.’

‘I’m fine, honestly,’ I say but lower myself onto one of the chairs because it seems like the easiest thing to do. If my husband wants a heart-to-heart for a moment, I’ll have to give it to him. Maybe this is how the wine has affected him tonight. While it has made me relaxed and carefree, it must have made him reflective and concerned.

‘I can see that,’ he says next, choosing to stand rather than sit next to me. ‘I can see that you are fine and that’s what is concerning me the most.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, how is it that you can be fine after you killed your own mother?’

I swear it just felt like the world stopped spinning for a second. No, scratch that. It still feels like the world has stopped. Everything is frozen. Time is standing still.

My husband just said I killed my mum.

How the hell does he know that?

All I can do is let out the most nervous laugh I have ever released in my life.

‘Wow, you and your dark sense of humour,’ I say, slapping my husband on the chest in a playful manner. ‘You always know how to make me laugh, but that surprised me, I’ll give you that.’

‘I’m not joking,’ Frederik replies coldly, removing my hand from his chest. ‘And I’m certainly not laughing.’

I realise how serious he is now and, suddenly, this moment has got even worse.

‘What?’ is all I can say next, grateful to be sitting now because my legs feel weak and I would have fallen to the floor if I’d still been standing. That must be why Frederik led me back to the table and this chair. He knew what was coming and he knew how I would react.

‘Just admit it,’ he says simply.