Page 50 of Nothing At All

“I get you don’t love me now. And I can stand in that. But if I’m not someone you can see loving, see a future with, it’s probably best for both of us if we break it off because that could get messy. Maybe hurt both of us.”

I stared at his earnest face. Words died on my tongue, clogged my throat.

“I can wait, you know, and I don’t mind waiting. I mean, I’m good with that, but if you know, then–”

“I don’t know,” I whispered. I would not cry.

His face twisted, leading to another pained wince. “I’m probably doing all this wrong. Made sense in my head, but emotions aren’t always logical and my thinking might still be fuzzy–”

“You’re not doing it all wrong. I’ve done everything wrong.” I slumped, heavy and weighted down. “Mama called me flighty, and she’s right.”

“Pfft.” Affection laced the amusement. “You’re one of the most settled people I know.”

“She meant about men and relationships. I’ve never . . . they’re for practice.” I moistened my upper lip. “The future was in the future, and I’d figure it out when I got there.”

Comprehension dawned in his dark blue eyes. “Okay.”

“It’s not okay. Because then there was you, and you’re great and I hurt you–”

“Hey.” He didn’t touch me, no gentle fingers lifting my chin, but he held my gaze. “I’m good, and this isn’t about that. I don’t want you locked into something with me out of guilt.”

“No.” I shook my head, the torn whisper hurting my throat. “I wouldn’t.”

“Good. I want the best for you, even if that’s not me.”

And he did. He meant that. The sincerity written all over him left me breathless.

“And I’m not rushing you. I don’t expect you to answer me tonight. But I need you to think about what you want for the future, Lila.” He cleared his throat. “And whether or not you can ever love me.”

Chapter Fifteen

Dan

I wasn’t normally dumb.

In the past, I’d been salutatorian of my high school class and graduated UGA with honors. Twice.

But I’d been a little stupid when it came to me and Lila. Anybody with good common sense would have had a what-the-future-looks-like conversation.

I hadn’t.

Instead, I’d dived into her, figuring we were on the same path.

Now I knew we weren’t – well, kinda, because she hadn’t dumped me so she was at least thinking about a future with me in it – I had to be smarter. Couldn’t assume. Had to be straight up about my feelings and intentions.

And I had to be steady.

Everything my father hadn’t been.

My head felt better, and the nose splint was gone. A week after I’d gotten my ass handed to me, I was back at work, but not in my car yet. Dix had me on a desk, answering non-emergency calls and taking reports.

I was bored out of my freaking skull.

Although the work was tedious, I stayed busy enough I couldn’t overthink. Really, I had nothing to overthink. I couldn’t control how Lila felt about me. All I could do was decide I was in for the long haul, be smarter from this point, and do right by her.

Maybe prepare myself if she decided I wasn't for her. That would hurt, but maybe I’d see it coming – unlike getting a chair to the face.

“Hey.” Dix dropped into the vinyl chair adjacent to the olive-green metal desk that had probably seen World War II. The chair with its squash yellow upholstery wasn’t much newer. My chief gestured at his nose. “Look a little better there. How you feeling?”