Page 73 of Secrets on Ice

“Because they’re not Kevin or Trevor,” she says.

“But we knew them our entire lives and they still lied to us. A stranger will too.”

“Maybe you should see a therapist to help you work that stuff out,” Cass whispers.

“You think I’m messed up?” I ask her.

“We’re all a little messed up.” She chuckles. “I do think you should maybe talk to someone about that feeling though. You don’t want to take that baggage into the next relationship.”

“How are you not affected?” I ask her.

“I am, but they have taken so much from me, I will not let those two assholes take anything else from me. I refuse to let them take my future, they do not deserve it. I will not let them take up space in my mind anymore.”

Wow.

“You’re fucking awesome,” I tell her.

“Aw, thanks, but so are you. I hate that you are in a negative headspace, I wish I could do something to help.”

“You know what, your words have given me food for thought.”

“They have?” She seems surprised.

“Yeah, I keep dwelling on what I have lost and all the things I could have been.”

“We can’t change what’s happened. I wish I could turn back time, but we simply can’t.”

“If you could, would you change things?” I ask her.

“Hell yeah. If I had the knowledge I do now, I would. But the thing is we didn’t know, and that’s annoying as hell.”

It is.

“I’m going to try harder. Try to be more positive.”

“It looks like I have my shit together, but I don’t. But kissing Nelly tonight and maybe a couple more times after you left …”

I squeal. “You did what?”

“Yeah, hold on, let me finish my thought …” she says. “Having that new memory and new feelings seems to have flicked the switch in my mind …”

Did kissing Sully flick a switch in mine? Maybe, or did it just show me I’m still messed up?

“Fuck Trevor, I am going to go out there and get the life I deserve.”

Hell yeah.

“And this includes kissing young Swedish hockey players …” I tease.

“Yes. It very much does.” She giggles. “What about you and that hot footballer?”

“No, I couldn’t.”

“That’s okay. The fact you spent your night talking to a man was a big step.”

She has no idea how big a step I’ve taken. I feel so guilty lying to my best friend, but she will freak out on her brother if she finds out we’ve kissed.

“Am I ready to date yet? No. But I am ready to have fun,” she tells me.