Page 165 of Slapshot Bride

“And you don’t have to leave the property. You can just go for a walk. Get some air in. Invite a friend or two over.” She smooths the duvet over my knee. “Have a fun moment. You’re free now.”

“I don’t want to be free if this is all I get.” It comes out before I can soften it, and I watch her face as the words sink in.

“Riley…” She takes my hand.

My heart squeezes, and the truth I’ve been holding back slips past my lips.

“I keep trying,” I say quietly. “I've thrown myself into photography every day, but it doesn't work anymore. Every time I pick up my camera, I'm right back in a greenhouse. Or a canyon. Or a hockey arena.”

I close my eyes. “All the places he took me so I could take pictures. So I could explore and get better at something I loved.”

My throat tightens. “I'm tired, Mom.” My voice cracks. “I'm tired of pretending those three months never happened. Everyone keeps telling me to move on, like all I need is a hobby and a good night's sleep.”

I shake my head. “I can't.”

My mother is quiet. Then she moves until her back is against the headboard next to me.

She gently squeezes my hand that’s still in her hold. “Honey, tell me all about it.”

And I do.

“It was supposed to be fake.” My voice cracks on that word. Fake.

“The whole thing. Me and Easton. We made it up, Mom. It was an arrangement. He let me stay, and when Preston wouldn't leave me alone, Easton told him I was his girlfriend to get him to back off.”

I stare down at my hands. “And then... we just kept it going. On purpose. To keep Preston away. It wasn’t supposed to be serious. And now Preston’s gone. The whole reason for the lie is gone.”

I swallow hard. “I’m sitting here in love with a man I met because I climbed into his car by accident, and I don’t…”

I look away, trying to hide my teary eyes. “What if it was only ever real for me? What if the whole time, for him, it was exactly what we agreed it would be? He never said otherwise. I never said otherwise. I told Mason it was fake, to his face, when he found out, and I realized he was Easton’s best friend. Easton never contradicted me.”

This reality crashes into me. My heart shatters.

God, I’ve been so stupid.

“Sweetie, do you want to hear what I have to say, or do you want me to sit with you?” Her voice is soft, but I stare at her, needing to hear the truth. Maybe, it’ll set me straight.

“I want to hear it.”

“You spent six years with a man who took control of your entire life and never allowed you to be yourself. You only got out almost two weeks ago. And now, you are lying in a bed asking me whether the next man loves you back. And I don’t think it’s wrong to love him, honey. I think he might be everything you say he is.”

She tucks another strand of hair behind my ear. “I just think you have spent your whole adult life defining yourself by whether a man was choosing you. And you’ve been free of that for less than two weeks. Maybe sit in it. Just for a minute. Be Riley, who takes pictures, who enjoys her life. And I think if Easton Blake really wants you, he’ll come for you when the time is right.”

“You think so?” I ask in a small voice, and she nods.

I try to sit up to hug her, but I must have moved too fast, because the nausea comes back all at once, and I’m off the bed and across the room before I can think.

I make it to the bathroom before bending over the toilet. I puke my guts out, and stay there for a few minutes.

When I finally stand up to rinse my mouth, my mom is there. She silently watches me, and when I’m done, our eyes meet.

“Riley…”

“I’ve been nauseous for the past three days. I think it’s the stress.” I wave it off. “I threw up on Tuesday too. Always in the morning, and I’ve barely eaten anything these past few days.”

She looks at me for longer than I’m comfortable with, but I don’t say more.

We walk back to the bedroom, and she picks up the tray with the untouched toast and tea, now cold.