Page 9 of The Gaybor War

I snort before I can stop myself. God help me, the man’s ridiculous.

Shania: Don’t listen to him, Carter. He’s the SAG of Morningwood.

Benji: Don’t you dare.

Kiki: Single And Gay!

Benji: I hate this HOA.

That makes two of us!

I toss the phone onto the couch, but the grin won’t quite leave my face. I didn’t move here for friends. Definitely not for whatever Benji is.

Still… there’s something weirdly magnetic about him. The shirts, the commentary, the fact that his idea of a welcome gift was waterboarding. At least life here won’t be boring.

I look out the front window. His lights are still on. He’s pacing in front of the large bay window, phone in hand, probably narrating my life to that group chat as if it’s a reality show.

"Enemies-to-I-win," I murmur. "We’ll see about that."

I turn away, but not before pulling the blinds shut, just in case he’s watching back.

Chapter 4

The first thing I hear the next morning isn’t birdsong. It’s laughter.

Not normal laughter either. It’s high-pitched, caffeinated, and carries across the street like an incoming air raid siren.

I drag myself out of bed, open the blinds, and freeze.

There are flamingos.

A flamboyance of plastic flamingos—twenty at least—stand at attention in perfect rows, facing my window as if awaiting orders. Someone’s even zip-tied tiny sunglasses to a few of them. The one closest to my mailbox has a little sign that says, "Welcome to Morningwood, neighbor!" written in glitter pen.

Across the street, Benji is ‘watering’ his flowerbeds again, which means he’s shirtless and misting himself like a houseplant. When he notices me looking, he waves ‌the hose like it’s a baton and shouts, "Rise and shine, Carter! Morningwood welcomes you!"

I can’t hear him, but I can read his lips.

I consider walking outside. Then I consider a root canal.

Instead, I put on coffee and stare out the window as though I’m watching a crime scene unfold.

My phone starts buzzing.

Morningwood Minute

Shania: The flamingos!!!

Candace: Benji, I swear, you didn’t.

Benji: Consider it a symbolic gesture of suburban unity.

Malia: Carter, you better wave or it’s bad luck!

Kiki: There’s one with a tiny hat!

I scroll through the photos. They’ve already made memes.

One of them has my name photoshopped over a flamingo with the caption "He moved in single, but not for long."