Page 75 of Bruised

“It is.” He remembered. Why does that make my throat thicken like I’m about to cry?

Oliver shrugs. “I saw a recipe online, and I thought of you.”

Tears prickle behind my eyes, and the guilt rises like bile in the back of my throat. I’m more invested in sleeping with his big brother than savoring this time with him. Only a few weeks remain, and then he’ll be gone.

I suppose Mason will be too. Once Oliver leaves for college, there won’t be any reason for me to visit his house, which means I won’t see Mason anymore.

I’ll lose them both.

I swallow thickly, and I shake my bangs into my face to hide my sorrowful eyes as I look down at the plate and eat. Oliver looks down as well, and his leg is shaking under the table.

“Sucks that I’m leaving,” he mutters.

I look up. “What?” He’s never expressed doubt about leaving. He’s always wanted to go to college, while I haven’t.

“I don’t…” He grits his teeth. “I don’t know if I’m ready, to be honest. Maybe I should just take a gap year. Hang out here. With you.”

What the hell? “But… you got into MIT!”

Oliver shrugs. “If I got in once, I can do it again, don’t you think?”

Not necessarily, but I don’t want to interrupt him, so I just nod for him to go on.

“Although…” Oliver begins with a wry smile. “If I stayed here, I’d have to deal with Mason for God knows how many more weeks, and I’m not sure how many I could stand without ripping his head off.”

“How long do you think he’ll stay?” I ask, sliding my fork back and forth. Usually I would’ve finished my plate by now and gone for seconds, but I’ve only managed a few bites.

“As long as Mom lets him, I guess. He has to get a job to move out, and from what I’ve heard, he’s not exactly putting in maximum effort in searching for one. All he does is lounge around here and be loud and gross. And look at you.”

I nearly choke on a mouthful of mac and cheese. “At me?”

“Yeah, you can’t say you haven’t noticed it,” Oliver says, voice tense as he points at the collar of my shirt. “Did he do that to you?”

I freeze, then shake my head slowly, wanting to sink into the ground. “I told you—it’s the allergies.”

Oliver frowns and glances away. He looks almost… disappointed? Why would he be disappointed by that? He should be relieved Mason didn’t cause those hickeys, unless… he doesn’t fully believe me.

Shit.

I don’t have any better lies to tell, and I have no one else to blame except for myself. And yet, I still can’t tell him the truth. Unless he asks me for it directly, I’ll keep my mouth shut and stick my head in the sand. And that’s exactly why I don’t deserve to have Oliver as a friend. He’s doing the right thing by leaving me. He’s doing the right thing by making something of his life while leaving me behind.

Mason will leave me behind, too. Everyone will.

Each bite of mac and cheese takes several tries to get down my throat. It’s my favorite meal, and Oliver’s a great cook, but it still tastes like cardboard in my mouth. Time is running away from me, and I don’t know what to do about it. Soon, I’ll be rejected, discarded, and utterly alone.

26. SIRENS

None of the jobs I’ve applied for in the last few weeks have gotten back to me.

Great.

I’m completely screwed—a reject of society, an untouchable fuckup who no one’s going to hire ever again.

My probation officer is hounding me about all sorts of jobs that I have no qualifications for, and he keeps calling me at ungodly hours, like ten in the morning. I’m always grumbly and annoyed when he calls me, hoping he’ll stop hassling me. Can’t he just take the hint? I’m screwed; there’s no hope for me; no one will hire me.

Maybe I’ll just become a drug dealer or something. Worth some consideration, though a non-taxable income makes it a little hard to get an apartment. Living at Mom’s house is fine for now, but once Mom and her boyfriend get back from their trip… no thanks.

Barely two weeks left now. Oliver will be gone, Mom and Fabio will be back home, and Lane… Lane will be gone, too.