Page 91 of The Search

“Well, no one could say you’re not being honest enough.” He was silent a moment. “Tell me, did you ever tell Madden you loved him?”

“What difference does—”

“Did you?”

“Yes.”

“Anyone else?”

“No.”

“That son of a bitch really did a number on you, didn’t he?” He pressed her head into his shoulder. “Never mind. We’ve talked enough about Madden tonight to last me a lifetime. I just wanted to get the picture straight.”

“You can’t think I’m pining for that bastard?”

“Perish the thought. You’re not scarred. I’m the one who’s carrying all the baggage. Right?” He didn’t wait for an answer. His mouth covered hers and he moved over her. “Now shut up and let’s have sex. I promise I won’t make love to you. I wouldn’t want you to think I’m dishonest.”

He was angry, she realized. This time it was rougher, deeper, harder, and yet she found herself responding with a passion even stronger than before. It went on for a long time before he collapsed on top of her.

His chest labored as he struggled to get his breath. “Isn’t it lucky this is just sex? It might damn well kill me if it was anything more serious.”

11

It was almost ten o’clock when Sarah opened her eyes.

Monty.

She had to feed Monty and Maggie.

She usually fed them at seven, and she was surprised that Monty hadn’t been pawing at the door.

Logan’s arm was draped across her breasts and he was still asleep. One more minute wouldn’t matter. She lay there, looking at him. It was pleasant seeing Logan with his defenses down. He looked younger, more vulnerable. It gave her a warm, cozy feeling to know he trusted her to see him like this.

Monty.

She carefully got out of bed. No need to wake Logan yet. She’d feed Monty and Maggie, shower, and maybe fix them breakfast. She grabbed her robe, gathered her clothes, and shut the bedroom door silently behind her.

Monty greeted her with reproachful eyes and a soft woo-woo when she came out on the porch.

“Don’t give me that.” She set his bowl of food down beside him. “I deserve a life too, you know. You’re not the only one who needs a little companionship.” But it hadn’t been companionship, or her body would not have this delicious lethargy and sensitivity. She set Maggie’s bowl down before her. “And you weren’t very nice to Logan last night. I thought you’d stopped that snapping.”

Maggie gave her an enigmatic look from silver eyes, then started to eat.

It had been her fault. Maggie was Sarah’s responsibility and she had let Logan do her work. It had been easy to let Logan take over.

Much too easy. She frowned as she slowly rose to her feet. Wasn’t it possible she would start unconsciously trying to please him?

There wasn’t anything wrong with trying to please a man who was obviously trying to please her. She could guard her feelings and take the pleasure.

Guard her feelings? Where had that thought come from?

“No,” she whispered.

Monty looked inquiringly at her.

She shook her head. “Not you, baby.” She left the porch. That tiny ripple of panic had no reasonable basis. There were no feelings to guard except liking and respect. She didn’t have to give up going to bed with Logan as long as she could keep her head straight and her life as independent as it always had been. That was the only sensible way to—

The phone rang.