Page 106 of The Search

“What do you want me to say? That three kids died because some maniac wanted to draw me into his damn web.”

“That’s not your fault. I thought we agreed that I was to blame for everything.”

“I did what he wanted. He analyzed me like some Machiavellian shrink and then decided to kill innocent kids because that would make me do what he wanted. And he was right. He called and I came.”

“What else could you have done? You went there to— Stop crying. No, don’t stop. It’s probably good for you. It’s just hell for me.”

“It doesn’t feel good for me. It hurts.”

“That’s because you don’t do enough of it. You’re out of practice. When’s the last time you cried? When your grandfather died?”

“No, I promised him I’d be strong. It was when I found Monty at that police department in Italy.”

“I should have known.”

“Is Monty all right?”

“Monty’s with Maggie.”

“That’s right, I forgot. But he usually senses when I’m sad and comes and sleeps by my bed.”

“The poor mutt’s hormones are raging. You’ll have to make do with me.”

“I’m glad he has Maggie. Maybe it will distract him from what happened tonight.”

“It’s you we’re trying to distract.”

“It shouldn’t have happened. I try so hard to find the living and bring closure to the dead. It’s what I do, what I am. And he used that and killed those kids.” She was shaking. “He twisted everything I am and made it ugly and—”

“Shh.”

“You just told me to talk.”

“That’s when you were making sense. There’s nothing ugly or twisted about you. You’re clean and beautiful and straight as an arrow. Ask me, I’m an expert on twisted and ugly. I’ve been there.”

She shook her head.

“You don’t believe me? It’s true. I’ve done things that—” He stroked her hair. “You don’t want to hear about me.”

She did want to hear about him. It was important, she realized. When she had seen Logan at the rest stop, she had known then that everything concerning him was vitally important to her. If he died . . . She didn’t want to think about that now. She was too confused and numb. She just wanted to be held by Logan and pretend the nightmare at Apache Lake had never happened.

“Go to sleep now,” he said. “I’ll stay awake and be here for you if you have a nightmare.”

Had he read her mind? Did he know what a rare gift he offered her? Never in her life had she ever had anyone to keep the nightmares at bay. . . .

“Is she asleep?” Galen asked as Logan came out of the bedroom.

“Right now. I’ve got to get back. I promised I’d stay with her.”

“She looked like hell.”

“She went through hell.” He went to the sink and got a glass of water. “Henry Smith is dead. Rudzak killed him.”

Galen stiffened. “Why didn’t you tell me right away? Franklin has been trying to reach him since you returned with Sarah.”

“I’m telling you now. You couldn’t do anything about it and she needed me.” He drank the water. “Or someone.”

“It was a trap?”