Page 6 of Mr. and Mrs. Novak

I still don't know how my legs carry me to the guest bedroom. I close the door and collapse, my legs giving way under the weight of betrayal. Fuck, it hurts. How did I not see it? I really thought I saw love in his eyes. But it was all a lie. He played me so well.

After every one of our dates, did he go straight to her? Did he make love to her after leaving my bed? The thought sends a violent shudder through me. Nausea rises in uncontrollable waves. I crawl to the bathroom and let my grief, my rage, my humiliation take over until they rip through me in painful spasms. The flush carries away my dreams. I rinse my mouth before letting myself slide onto the icy tiles. I need this cold to numb the pain. I want to sink into oblivion, to feel nothing anymore. I feel defiled, soiled to my very soul.

Tonight, I let myself break. I cry, I scream, I bleed.

But tomorrow…

Tomorrow, I will rise. I will put on my armor. I will build a fortress around my heart, so high that no one will ever reach it. Never again will I let anyone have this power over me. Never again will I trust.

5. Regrets

RUSLAN

The guest room door closes. It’s only then that I fully realize what just happened: Sophia caught us—Natasha and me. She heard everything.

Shit.

I never wanted to hurt her, especially not her. She’s always been the only one who believed in me. The only person I thought of when I needed a wife as an alibi. The only one I trusted enough to let into my life without fearing betrayal.

I had my reasons for becoming a married woman’s lover. But when her husband caught us in each other’s arms, I had to improvise. Find an excuse. Then, I had to put my plan into motion. That’s how I turned to Sophia. I did everything to seduce her, to convince her to marry me. I was certain she loved me.

But after our conversation in the car, I have serious doubts.

When she spoke to me, I didn't recognize the gentle woman I thought I knew. This cold, contemptuous woman... she was completely foreign to me. I still remember the harshness of her voice. Her attitude caught me off guard and, I must admit, I was stunned, unable to form a coherent thought.

Of course, I had considered scenarios where Sophia would discover the truth. One would have to be obtuse or stupid not to have done so. But nothing happened as I had imagined. No screaming, no insults, no crying fit. Just a cold acknowledgment and an agreement. She agrees to continue playing the game to save my skin, but in six months, I will be permanently erased from her life.

I should be relieved, after all, this was what I wanted. A feeling of confusion takes hold of me first, then growing irritation. Why am I suddenly so upset? The irritation gradually transforms into anger.

I can't stand her detachment, this almost insulting coldness toward the situation. Questions loop in my mind, fueling my frustration. Why is she taking this so calmly? Doesn't she feel betrayed? Didn't she love me then?

Frustration gives way to indignation. What am I to her? A charity case? Her contempt hasn't escaped me; it burns through every pore of my skin. What right does she have to judge me? She, who has barely taken her vows, who committed herself in front of everyone... and who, without the slightest hesitation, is already ready to erase me from her life, as if I never mattered.

A quiet rage rises within me as I leave the room with heavy steps, my heart pounding against my temples. I knock on her door, my fingers trembling with contained anger.

No response.

I try again, harder this time, impatient. Still nothing.

Worry begins to mix with my anger. I open the door: the room is in semi-darkness, only a streak of light escapes from the partially open bathroom. My heart inexplicably accelerates, rage giving way to growing apprehension. I approach, my throat tight with silent anxiety, and push the door with a trembling hand.

The sight that awaits me hits with the violence of a punch to the chest, taking my breath away, making my legs waver, threatening to give way beneath me. My anger instantly evaporates, replaced by an icy horror. Some moments in our lives are electric shocks, and we know in the depths of our soul that afterward, nothing will ever be the same. The one where I discover Sophia, sitting, huddled on the cold bathroom tiles, her shoulders shaken by heartbreaking sobs that she desperately tries to stifle, is one of those. Her face, usually so radiant, is now ravaged, unrecognizable, her swollen eyes staring at an invisible point, as if contemplating the smoking ruins of her dreams.

Seeing her devastated by my betrayal breaks something inside me. A visceral, primitive pain invades me entirely. Remorse, merciless and devastating, crashes down on me like an avalanche.

I did this to her.

Shame and remorse flood over me.

Damn, how stupid can I be sometimes!

And to think I believed in her indifference... The thought almost makes me laugh in despair. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Every sign I’d taken for coldness was nothing more than a desperate attempt to protect a heart I had trampled.

I move forward like a sleepwalker and embrace her with the delicacy reserved for something infinitely precious and terribly fragile. Her body is ice-cold against mine. She doesn't react, frozen in her pain.

"I'm so sorry, Sophia." I whisper these words against her ear, my voice broken with emotion, but I doubt she hears me, lost in the abyss of her suffering. My trembling lips place a kiss on her temple, tasting the salt of her tears. With infinite caution, I slide my arms under her body and lift her. She is so light, as if emptied of substance.

I carry her to the bedroom. These aren't the circumstances under which I had planned to carry her to our bed tonight. Our wedding night is far from anything I had imagined. I place her on the mattress.