Page 3 of Gang of Roses: Rebel

I knew she was hurting. Hell, I knew she loved Rose like they shared the same blood. Losing Rogue had affected all of us differently. No matter how many years passed, we had spent the rest of our lives carrying the weight of her death. Some wounds never healed. They just became part of who you were. Still, my anger refused to let up, and the alcohol burning through my system wasn’t helping either. I wanted her to know all the pain that had been eating me alive since the day we buried my sister.

I laughed bitterly. “Do you?” I asked. “Because from where I’m standing, it seems like everybody moved the fuck on except me.”

“That’s not true,” Kash cut in.

“The hell it isn’t.” My voice rose. “Y’all go home to your families. Y’all laugh, celebrate birthdays, take vacations, and live your damn lives.” I paused for a second, my chest heaving as I pointed toward Rose’s headstone. “My sister doesn’t get to do any of that shit.”

Silence fell over the cemetery. Even Titan had enough sense to keep his mouth shut. My chest tightened as I stared at Rose’s name carved into the stone.

“She was supposed to be here,” I said, my voice cracking despite my efforts to stop it. “She was supposed to grow old. She was supposed to be an aunt to my kids. She was supposed to be here.”

“Don’t you think I know that, Rebel?” Dice shot back. “It’s been four years, and I still beat myself up about what happened.” She shook her head and wiped the rain from her face. “I know it looks like I don’t care because I don’t break down the way you do. I know it probably seems like I’ve moved on, but that’s not the case.” Dice’s voice softened, and she continued talking. “I’ve just seen so much death that I learned how to shut parts of myself off. It’s how I survive. It’s how I’ve always survived. “But don’t ever mistake that for me not caring. Not when it comes to Rose. I loved her, too, Rebel. And there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could change what happened.”

Kash finally stepped forward, her green eyeliner streaked slightly from the rain. “Don’t mistake survival for not caring, Rebel. Some of us learned a long time ago how to keep living after burying the people we love.”

“Whatever,” I waved them off.

“I’m over this, Rebel. Every time you drink, you change your perspective. One minute I’m not to blame, then the next you’re acting like a bitch and finding a different reason to be mad at me. You’re the godmother to my youngest child, and we’ve still got history together and do business. But if you really don’t fuck with me anymore, then why are you still around? Why do you keep showing up? Why keep holding on to something you claim you don’t want? I’m tired of going in circles with you,” Dice said.

“Don’t confuse my anger with indifference. If I truly didn’t give a fuck about you, I would’ve disappeared a long time ago. I know you’re family. That doesn’t change the fact that your children calls me Auntie. The truth is, I miss my sister and wish she could still be with us. Just give me grace.”

No more words were exchanged between the three of us. The grief was too heavy. But I still had something for my sperm donor. Before anyone could stop me, I stepped toward Titan and slammed the butt of my Glock across the side of his head. The crack echoed through the cemetery. Titan stumbled sideways and nearly lost his footing before catching himself against his firstborn daughter’s headstone. Blood immediately trickled from the fresh cut above his eyebrow.

“Rebel!” Dice shouted.

I put my gun away and turned my back on everyone. Nobody tried to stop me. As I climbed onto my motorcycle and fired up the engine, the roar echoed through the cemetery before I pulled away from Rose’s grave. The ride home was a blur. I couldn’t tell you a single thing I saw on the way back to my house. Hell, I was so drunk and angry that it was a miracle I didn’t end up wrapped around a tree.

When I finally pulled into the driveway, I parked my bike and glanced over to see Kash and Dice. We might’ve had our moments of frustration, but they had still followed me home to make sure I got there safely. That was club law. We looked out for our own. No matter what was going on between us, sisters didn’t get left behind on the road, in prison, or in the ground.

I killed the engine and climbed off my motorcycle. The rain had finally eased up, leaving the pavement slick beneath my boots. As I started toward the building, Kash’s voice stopped me. I turned to face them both to show my respect. Rule number one: you never speak to anyone with your back turned.

“We love you, Rebel,” Kash said.

“Yeah,” Dice added with a nod. “Don’t ever forget that. We’re sisters. Blood couldn’t make us any closer than what we’ve been through together.”

“Love you both.”

Once I got inside the house, I was just all over the place. The only person I knew who could handle me in my emotional state was my best friend, Crow. I quickly sent him a text message telling him I needed him before heading off to take a shower. Twenty minutes later, my doorbell rang. When I opened it, Crow stood there with a bag full of unhealthy snacks. He flashed me a smile before stepping inside.

“I come bearing gifts.”

I glanced inside the bag and let out a soft laugh.

“You bought half the damn snack aisle.”

He shrugged. “Today’s not a day for healthy choices. Besides, you know I had to grab our girl’s favorites to celebrate.”

The smile on my face faded. Of course he remembered. Today was Rose’s birthday. Although she was a little older than us, the three of us used to stay turning up together. Rose was always the daredevil, always the loudest one in the room, and somehow always the one convincing us to do something we probably had no business doing.

“You remembered.”

He gave me a look like I’d asked the dumbest question imaginable.

“Rain... how could I forget? It’s Rose’s birthday.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and stepped aside so he could come in.

“Thank you for coming. You were probably busy.”