Page 89 of When In Doubt

“Freya, I’m gonna lose my mind if I can’t hug you right now,” I beg. “Is that okay? Nothing more, I swear.”

She gives the tiniest nod and slowly starts to unfurl herself from the ball she’s in. Shuffling across the bed, I stay kneeling like a penitent and open my arms, waiting for her to close the distance.

When she moves, it starts slow, but there comes a point when she practically dives at me. She wraps her arms around my waist like metal bands as she hides her face in my neck. I return her hug with more gentleness, cupping the back of her head and tucking her further under my chin.

We stay like that in the quiet for a long time, our breaths slowly syncing up as we both settle. Her knee touches my thigh where she’s sitting crossed legged by my hip, leaning her shoulder against my chest. I don’t dare to move except to place the occasional kiss in her hair and run my hand up and down her back.

“Can you tell me what happened?” I probe gently.

“I got scared…” She trails off.

“I know, honey. Can you tell me what scared you?”

“I liked it at first,” she says, picking up her head to give me a weak smile. I hate that she’s the one trying to reassure me right now. I kiss her forehead, silently urging her to continue. “But then I couldn’t move, and you were all around me—” She clamps her mouth shut, cutting off the rest of her sentence.

“Hmm?” I hum into her hair.

“It reminded me of something,” she whispers.

I freeze. Horror seizes me like a vise and I lean back, guiding her face up to look at me.

“Freya?” I almost gasp, sheer terror at what I think she’s saying flooding my system. “Did somebody…” Her eyes glaze over with tears. I clear my throat, willing myself to keep it together. “Did someone hurt you?”

“I-it was… it was kind of—” She halts herself, hiding her face in my neck. I cup the back of her head, running the tip of my thumb along her ear in soft strokes.

“Please,” I murmur.

“Aaron.”

My blood freezes in my veins and I have to fight to keep my hold on her gentle.

I knew there was something more going on. I should have realized, should have put the pieces together. Maybe then, I could have stopped this from happening.

Freya pulls back to look at me and the haunted look on her face almost breaks me in half. I brush the strands of hair from her eyes, feeling like there’s a storm brewing inside of me.

I have to know. “Did he⁠—?”

“No!” She stops me. “God, no… I mean, I don’t know… he was just…” She’s rambling, and with every word it gets harder to keep my composure.

“Baby. Please, just take a breath. Tell me what happened.”

She stares up at me, looking so alone. I wish I could take it all away, but all I can do is be here for her now.

We sit in silence for long minutes as she takes slow, even breaths. I’m happy to wait. I’ll wait all night if she needs. I place reassuring kisses on her shoulders, all the while kneading my fingers into her spine, trying to coax the tension out of the muscles. Eventually, it’s like all the fight goes out of her and she sags against me, her forehead resting just below the hollow of my throat.

When she speaks, I have to strain to hear the words. I almost don’t dare breathe for fear of missing something, the key to all of this.

“I was really nervous, the first time with him. I hadn’t… before, I hadn’t⁠—”

“Was it your first time?”

“Yeah,” she squeaks out.

“What happened?”

“I mean, I think it’s normal to have a bad first time.”

“Did he tell you that?” I snap, harsher than I want to, wanting to kick myself when she stiffens. I whisper out an apology and drop more soft kisses to the side of her face, trying to urge her to carry on.