Page 83 of When In Doubt

“So, you know that MA program I was looking at?”

“Yeah?” A few months ago she mentioned a grad program for Creative Writing in New York. She was thinking about applying for it in a couple of years, assuming things were still good with her mom.

“So, I actually applied.” She takes a long breath. “And I got in.”

“Oh my God!” I shoot to my feet, knocking the stool into the wall again. “Luci! That’s huge!”

“And I’m not deferring.”

“Okay?” I frown. “And Marie is cool with that?” I know how reluctant Luci’s mom has been for her to move out.

“She doesn’t know,” Luci rushes out.

“Right. Okay. Right. Sure.” I don’t quite know what to say. I’m so proud of her, of course I am, but this is a big change. “What made you decide to go this year? I thought you were waiting?”

“I’ve been waiting for four years. It’s time.” Not for the first time, I wish we weren’t stuck having all our interactions over the phone. I wish I could see her in person. Maybe then, I could understand this better, do a better job of giving Luci what she needs. “She’s eighteen months seizure-free, and she should even be driving again soon.”

“That’s really great news.”

“I just feel like this is a good thing.”

“Then, why haven’t you told her?” She doesn’t hide anything from Marie, not as long as I’ve known her. I’ve always been jealous of their closeness, and how they’re more like best friends than mother and daughter.

“She’s gonna freak out.” She sighs. “She doesn’t think she’s ready, but she’s just scared.”

“I mean, that’s kind of understandable.”

“I know, I totally understand where she’s coming from, but I think this will be good for both of us.”

“Sure.” Luci and her mom have been living out the same routine for years, and it’s become a bit of a comfort bubble for the both of them. Maybe Luci’s right, and it is time to break out of that.

“And it’s not like I’m moving across the country. I probably won’t even move out.”

I chuckle. “Fuck, yeah, don’t pay New York rent if you don’t have to.”

“Campus is only an hour away, I can just commute. Though I don’t know, maybe I should move, have a bit of a clean break?”

“Play it by ear, but you should talk to her.”

“I know,” she whines. “I just don’t want to.”

“Go tell your mother you’re ditching her.” I laugh. “It’s Marie, she’s not gonna be mad.”

“I feel like that’s worse,” she groans. “She’ll be all nice about it, but she’ll make her disappointed face like I dropped her birthday cake again.”

“That only happened once.”

“And she’s never let it go!”

“It was pretty spectacular.”

“Fuck off.”

“Whatever, I’m hanging up now so you can go confess your sins.” I can’t help but grin, happy that we’re talking shit again.

“Love you, loser.”

“Love you too! And I’m so fucking proud of you!”