Page 152 of When In Doubt

“I got it for his birthday, right after we got married. He wore it every day for a week.”

“That’s lovely.”

“His birthday’s in July.” She chuckles. “Eventually I had to put my foot down. He was gonna ruin it by sweating in it so much.”

“He must have really loved it.”

“I, um—” She looks down at her hands, her smile gone. “I was reading about children, and grief. I saw someone saying about making a piece of clothing into a teddy or a blanket, so they have something to hold.” She rushes it out, like she’s been practicing. “I was hoping you could do that?”

I look down at the jumper, checking the seams to make sure it’ll be safe to unpick. “Did you have something in mind?”

“A blanket, I think. I know it’ll only be small, but she can have it in bed with her. He can be with us when I tuck her in.”

Tears gather at the backs of my eyes, but I blink them away. “Of course.” I clear my throat, getting back to the practicalities. “I can either take it apart and reknit it completely, or do a kind of patchwork thing. Doing a reknit would probably work better, and I can even keep the cable design so it looks the same, but if you wanted to preserve this exact version of the sweater then I can take out a panel and add a border or something?”

She steps forward, looking to see what I’m talking about. “Whatever you think is best. I trust you.”

I choke up a little. “I’ll take really good care of it.”

She reaches out to squeeze my hand. “I know you will, just let me know what I owe you.”

“No. No, this is a gift.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure, let me do this.”

“Thank you.” She squeezes my hand again. “I’d better go. Birdie’s at the park with Marion.”

“How is she?”

Joni gives a sad smile. “She’s alright. She doesn’t really understand what’s going on.”

“Kids are really resilient.” I know it’s trite as I say it, but I’ve got nothing else.

“She keeps asking for him.”

“Joni,” I whisper. What else is there to say?

She sniffs, pulling her shoulders back. “It was great to see you.”

“You too. I’ll let you know when I’m finished with this.”

“Of course, take your time.”

She gives me one more tight smile as she goes. I watch her through the windows, but she only makes it a few steps before stopping. She smiles at someone I can’t see, but when they step around the windowpane, all the air rushes out of me.

Oscar.

He must have just finished early at the station. I try to read the lines of his face, hoping it’ll give me some clue as to how it went, but I can’t make out anything. He gives Joni a tight hug and they exchange a few words before she heads off in the direction of the park.

Oscar’s brows are drawn into a deep furrow as he enters. He greets me with a hug and quick kiss on the cheek, but he seems distracted.

“How was it?” I ask, touching the front of his jacket with one hand. He’s giving off such a strange energy, I almost feel like I need to hold him here so that he doesn’t bolt.

“Chief called, asked me to be acting captain.”

“Okay,” I say gently. “You knew that was a possibility though, right?” He’s mentioned it a few times, but he’s never wanted to talk about it much.