Page 68 of About the Green

His hands on my body feel like bliss as he continues tracing over it. My nerves are alight and each brush of his fingertips is grounding me more than I realized. I’m here at his mercy but he’s here for me.

He’s here to keep me safe and unknown to him, here to set free from this weight I’m bared on my own.

“Destin was there when they got there, and they let me exact my revenge on him. Each small cut I took soothed my mind just a little bit, so I kept taking more. I don't know how long I was there that night, but eventually they pulled me off of him. It was long and bleak trying to find myself again, but once I did, I made a vow that I would try to rid the world of every single man like that, so no one else had to be like me."

“So you became a monster to fight these monsters,” he acknowledges. It’s true. His eyes are still on me, his body over mine. My face is still sticky with tears and I’m beyond the point of touching up. I’m exposed and caught.

Is this what trust feels like?

I've only ever had it in a handful of people for as long as I can remember.

I'm happy.

As inappropriate as that sounds and seems, I am happy right here, and I can't even deny it.

“You don’t have to do this, you know. You could stop. You’ll never be that girl again. I’d make sure of it.”

He releases my wrists and stands. I think he’s going to let me go. And I can’t have that.

For so long Liezel had talked to me about what a true dynamic looked like as a dom herself. She's always wanted me to know that safety was first. How a sub feels is even more important. It's not about the dom's pleasure as much as it is about their submissive's.

I never came close to finding someone who I thought could be that person for me. In some ways, I really, really, really wanted it to be.

Destin had forced me to do more things sexually than I ever wanted to. For months I had to listen or go without food. Follow his instructions or withstand whatever punishment he came up with.

In some ways, somehow I knew that this man will be the one, but now I'm too deep to do what I need to do to protect myself.

I thought I'd come over here and talk my shit, get what I want. Instead, he showed me exactly what I needed, and that's not a position that I think I've been in with anyone else besides Vert.

That's what he can give to me, and I'm not completely sure I know how to handle that. In fact, I know I don't know how to handle that, which is why I don't resist his call to go under, and why I'm still here without a fight.

Sitting up, my wrists are still clipped together though I could free myself easily. I don’t want to. He got these for me. He ordered them for me. His care for me is unmatched. This man’s brand of play matches mine so perfectly I could weep right now. I feel like I just might. “Don’t,” I whisper and he stops his retreat. “Don’t leave.” It sounds pitiful to my own ears but I have to be honest. I can’t stop myself from doing so. “A doll needs—” I catch myself saying something that feels too intimate to admit.

“What does a doll need?” Vert asks, now kneeling in front of the bed. His eyes shine with too many emotions for me to process while I’m still a little lightheaded and overwhelmed. “What happened to you—Fuck. What you went through, I can’t imagine. The list of men I’d resuscitate only to end their lives again is growin’ the longer I know you. You didn’t deserve what Destin did. This is—”

“What I need,” I sniffle. “A doll needs you. Don’t leave me.”

He assesses my state and I know how I must look here. His thumb strokes over my cheek. “Does my doll need me?”

“She does,” I nod. “Take care of your doll.” It’s not a command. It’s a plea and I hope one that he will answer without me having to bare even more of my soul.

After a moment, he seems to shake himself, pulling his shirt over his head. With his hand outstretched for me, I don’t hesitate to give him what he’s asking for. Vert unclasps my wrists and removes the bindings entirely. When I make to protest, he says, “We’re gonna get cleaned up.”

I balk at my free hands in his. “But you haven’t—“

“And that’s not important right now. You don’t owe me anythin’ but a hot shower and to get into bed. This time I’m not lettin’ you run in the mornin’.”

Yea, I’m in too deep.

Chapter 26

I pick up the phone for once, knowing that it's not going to be Nina on the other line to taunt that she has her fingers inside her, and I don't.

Because I have had them in her… for the past few days.

She’s back at her place today and I’ve just gotten my things packed up.

It's a contact that I have saved. If he's calling me, something bad has happened.