Page 195 of Bend

“I don’t know. I just…” His hand drags over his face. “I should’ve known there was something else. I should’ve found her. I should’ve—”

“You couldn’t have known.”

He looks back at me.

“I mean it.” My voice stays quiet. “You couldn't have known she’d keep a whole child a secret from you, thats on her. Not you, and I don’t blame you.”

His mouth tightens.

“That doesn’t make it feel much better.”

“No.”

I don’t think either of us expects it to.

He sits back slightly, looking angry now, but not at me.

At the years.

At Mom.

At himself anyway, even if there isn’t really anything useful to do with that.

“I would’ve come. I would’ve fought to be in your life,” he says.

“I know.”

“No.” His voice gets rougher. “I need you to understand that. If I’d known she was pregnant, if I’d known you were out there somewhere, I would’ve come for you.”

I hold his gaze, but there’s no hesitation in him.

No attempt to make himself look better.

Just hurt.

“I believe you.”

That seems to hit him harder than anything else.

His eyes drop for a second.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for something you didn’t know.”

“I know.”

He says it like he hates the answer.

I let the silence sit for a moment before I finally say,

“I’m sorry that I didn’t come to you sooner,”

His attention comes back to me.

“I’d only just found Talon and Sayshen. I was still trying to figure out what being their sister even looked like, and then the team started pulling me in too. Andre gave me a job, everyone kept making space for me, and I was still getting used to the idea that maybe I actually belonged there.”

He listens without interrupting.