Page 20 of Say My Name

He waits.

“I want stability. I want to know my home won’t fall apart because someone wakes up one morning and decides he doesn’t love me anymore. I don’t want to build my future around a relationship and wait to learn whether the other person still agrees with the plan.”

“And the donor removes that risk.”

“The donor removes romantic dependence. I’ll have childcare and family support. I know raising a child alone will be difficult, but I won’t have to wonder whether someone is staying or whether I’ve made myself too dependent to leave.”

Dominic is quiet. I start preparing for the usual arguments: A child needs two parents. I may meet someone. I’m still young. I’m letting one bad relationship dictate too much.

He doesn’t offer any of them.

“So you want a child, stability, and the right to make decisions about your own life without another person holding the rest of it hostage,” he says.

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

I blink. “Okay?”

“That’s what you want.”

“You hated the binder this morning.”

“I still hate the binder.”

A laugh slips out. “You can’t say that and pretend you’ve accepted my answer.”

“I can accept your answer and dislike the method.”

“Why do you dislike it?”

He looks at me across the table. “Because any man would be lucky to have you choose him.”

A deep, pulling warmth coils in my stomach, so sudden it’s humiliating.

The wedding video flashes into my head again. Dominic above that woman, his body moving between her thighs while she said his name and he told her to say it again.

Then that nickname.

Big D.

I shift in my chair, angry with myself for getting turned on in the middle of the most personal conversation I’ve had in years. Worse, I’m almost sure Dominic notices. His eyes move over my face, pause at my throat, then return to meet mine.

He doesn’t smile or take the comment any further. The restraint makes the heat worse.

I reach for my glass and take a drink I don’t need.

Dinner moves to safer subjects after that, although nothing feels entirely safe anymore. We argue about dessert and finish all of it anyway.

Outside, the temperature has dropped. I’m reaching for my coat when Dominic takes it from the attendant.

“I can get it.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you holding it?”

“Because I’m being polite.”