Page 146 of Say My Name

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know.”

“Then why does this feel like you’re punishing me?”

“Because I stopped absorbing every consequence.”

I turn toward the glass wall. Dominic’s reflection looks exhausted and hurt, and I did that to him while insisting I was only being careful.

“I’m tired of being a variable in your exit model,” he says. “I’m tired of hearing about the life you’re planning after me while I’m standing in front of you asking to stay.”

“You think I don’t want you to stay?”

“I think you want me until wanting me requires a choice.”

My eyes burn.

“I am afraid,” I whisper to his reflection, the cool glass a useless brace against my back.

“I know.”

“I don’t know how to stop.”

“You don’t have to stop being afraid.”

I turn back toward him.

“You have to decide whether being afraid means you walk away from this,” he says. “From me.”

I know the answer. I knew it weeks ago when he asked me to choose him while I was still scared.

My mouth opens, but I can’t force the words out.

Dominic waits. When I still don’t answer, he reaches for his jacket.

“Are you going to let fear make the decision?”

The words hurt because fear already has.

His hand is on his jacket, ready to leave. The finality of the motion sends a spike of panic through me.

“Come home with me.”

His hand stops.

I hear how inadequate the request is. I can’t give him a future, so I’m offering him another night.

He studies me for several seconds. “Why?”

“Because I want you.”

His face tightens. “Sex doesn’t answer the question.”

“I know.”

“Then what are you asking me for?”

I could tell him I want tomorrow too. I want him in every version of my life I was too afraid to put on that spreadsheet.